


The Great Eli and Thrawn Prank War

by badgerandk, chaos_monkey, Gondolin, JessKo, MortisBane, MotherRameses, TessAlyn, ZsforSs



Series: The Prank War Chronicles [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: Adorable Involuntary Confinement, Bombs!, Costumes, Don't copy to another site, Eli has a laser pointer, Eli in a towel, Faro is not paid enough, GIFs needed, Kissing, Light Angst because of miscommunication, M/M, Memes, Mullet Thrawn, Mutual Pining, Prank War, Purposeful destruction of uniforms, Sexy Wrestling, The Great Eli vs Thrawn Prank War, The Great Hair Debate of 2019, Thrawn obtains a bucket, Unauthorized Packages that go BOOM, cat memes, heavy breathing, sneaky sweets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:17:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18283985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerandk/pseuds/badgerandk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaos_monkey/pseuds/chaos_monkey, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gondolin/pseuds/Gondolin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessKo/pseuds/JessKo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MortisBane/pseuds/MortisBane, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherRameses/pseuds/MotherRameses, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessAlyn/pseuds/TessAlyn, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZsforSs/pseuds/ZsforSs
Summary: Eli gives Thrawn a mullet as a joke. Thus started the war.A collection of ficlets! Each chapter is by a different author detailing the events of the Prank War. If you have an idea you wanna add, message me there (jewelliffer) and I'll add you as a co-creator so you can add your own chapter!





	1. Mullet Thrawn

**Author's Note:**

> If you're unsure or have questions about tagging along, come join the discord! This is a communal fic, so all input is welcome!
> 
> https://discord.gg/zyrv8gK

By MotherRameses

 

“… and we’re gonna have to cut your hair, it’s too long for Imperial Navy regs.” Eli dumped his load of shopping bags on Thrawn’s small bunk and turned to face the Chiss in the doorway.

  
Thrawn had been quite stoic about the whole experience, listening intently as Eli gave a near-constant narration about Coruscant and it’s people while they acquired some of the more banal items necessary to exist in the Empire. Deodorant, socks, a proper toothbrush and casual clothing.

  
“Should we not have done that while we were out?” Thrawn neatly deposited his own load of bags on the bed, and began arranging Eli’s haphazard pile with a critical eye as Eli crossed to the fresher.

  
“Nah, I’ve got what we need here. Ain’t no sense in spending the credits when I can handle something like that,” Eli said, rummaging around in his toiletry bag.

  
“You have experience in cutting hair?” Eli could practically hear Thrawn’s arched brow as he finally found his clippers.

  
“Yeah. I like mine long, and I learned real quick that it was a waste of credits to get it cut every other week. Couple vids from the holo-net, and I’m a pro.” He grinned as he turned back to Thrawn, holding up the clippers.

  
At Thrawn’s still-skeptical look, he huffed. “Look, if you don’t like it, I can take you back out and get it fixed - I’ll even pay for it. Deal?”

  
Thrawn’s eyes flicked from Eli’s grin to the clippers, then back again. After a moment of carefully weighing the options, he gave a short nod. “I accept your offer.”

  
“Great!” Eli grabbed another small pouch containing the clipper guards from his toiletry bag and crossed back into the tiny dorm, dragging the desk chair into the middle of the room as he did so. “More room out here,” he said, gesturing for Thrawn to sit.

  
Thrawn oblidged, sinking into the chair with good grace, though Eli thought he saw a flicker of hesitation in the Chiss’s eyes. Clearly Thrawn doubted his ability to properly trim his long tresses, and a mischievous idea came to mind.

  
Doing his best to stifle his grin, Eli crossed in front of Thrawn and eyed him thoughtfully. “How do you want it?” He asked, pursing his lips as he wondered what cut would look good on Thrawn’s sharp features.

  
“Something easy to maintain, and will stay out of my face.” Thrawn pulled the curtains of his hair back behind his head, and Eli nodded. Easy enough to achieve with the right clipper guards.

  
Selecting the tool for the job, he got to work, firsting combing out the blue-black strands. If he hadn’t just spent the day with Thrawn, he would have been intimidated by such a task. But bopping about Coruscant’s bustling shopping district together, enjoying greasy street food for lunch and answering Thrawn’s polite questions, both deep and simple, had given him a new perspective on the Chiss, one very different from his homeworld’s stories.

  
And it was that new perspective, and perhaps their burgeoning friendship, that allowed Eli to even entertain the idea of playing a joke on Thrawn.

  
After a few moments of quiet cutting, Eli stepped back. “All finished. Get up and tell me what you think.”

  
Thrawn paused, cocking his head back slightly in question before rising from the chair and crossing to the ‘fresher mirror. Eli stifled a giggle as Thrawn shook his head slightly as he walked, likely still feeling the weight of his hair on his back.

  
A tiny snort escaped him as Thrawn looked in the mirror, then sharply straightened up away from his reflection. But Thrawn didn’t turn at the sound, instead gingerly turning his head this way and that, eyes narrowed as he took in the horrific mullet Eli had given him.

  
“What do you think?” Eli called, no longer trying to hide his broad grin. “Said you wanted it out of your face.”

  
“… I did say that.” Thrawn’s jaw was clenched, and it seemed like he was trying to find the right words to express just how much he hated the hair cut as he glared at his reflection. “I do not understand,” he finally said, turning to stare at Eli. “This is very bad.”

  
Eli lost it at that blunt statement, and doubled over in laughter. It was almost a full minute before he could draw breath, and he wildly waved Thrawn back over to the chair so he could fix the monstrosity he created. But Thrawn didn’t move, peering at Eli distrustfully from the ‘fresher.

  
“Come on, come on,” Eli said between gasps of laughter, eyes streaming. “I’m just messin’ with you, I’ll fix it.”

  
“I do not wish to leave the room like this.” Thrawn said, still rooted to the ‘fresher floor.

  
“You don’t have to go anywhere, I’d just thought it’d be funny,” Eli replied, straightening up and grinning at him. “Really, it’ll be quick to finish off the back.” He felt a little guilty as Thrawn hesitated, then slowly stalked back into the room, eyeing him reproachfully. He sank into the chair, spine stiff, and Eli took pity on him as he got to work again.

  
“I’m sorry,” he said, quickly cutting off the last of the long hair and switching guards to refine the sides. “Just thought it’d be funny. I wouldn’t let you leave the room like that.”

  
Thrawn seemed to relax as the rest of his hair fell away, and Eli heard a faint chuckle escape him. “Was this your idea of a… rhetka?” Thrawn asked.

  
“Prank? Sure was,” Eli said, glad Thrawn had caught on and wasn’t actually mad at him.

  
He heard the Chiss chuckle again, this one lower than the first. “I will remember this, cadet,” he said, and Eli felt a flicker of his old fear spark at Thrawn’s darker tone. “This will prank will not go unanswered.”

  
_Oh no_ , Eli thought. _What have I gotten myself into?_


	2. Thrawn plots his revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, this is my FIRST Thrawn fic! But I could not resist. Direct sequel to the previous chapter. Thank you MotherRameses for putting the story here on AO3 from tumblr.  
> \- Gondolin (captaingondolin)

When he gave himself the time to consider the incident carefully, Thrawn found himself almost... touched by the prank. While humans had always been numerous and many of them in positions of power, the Republic citizens of his memories were never as overtly xenophobic as this Empire seemed to be. The military in particular was entirely human and, as in many single-species societies - including the Chiss, he had to admit - outsiders were rarely welcome. Especially outsiders quite as foreign and unknown as he was.

Or not completely unknown, as cadet Vanto’s stories had proven. But Vanto himself, once the initial wariness had faded, had soon started treating him as an equal. Thrawn could tell that Vanto was not always entirely comfortable with his presence, but he suspected that it was more a lingering distress about being uprooted than prejudice or even a personal dislike. Especially with the added puzzle piece of the prank. Yes. A prank was certainly not a declaration of war; quite the opposite, in fact, especially with one so innocuous. But being played could not be left unrevenged and Thrawn was already running through his options.

It was thinking about Vanto’s stories of the Chiss that he realised what a great potential was in the incomplete and often inaccurate nature of those stories. As a starting point, Thrawn picked one not too far-fetched regarding an ancient encounter between civilizations. It was more legend than history, but it had some elements of truth and honourable characters trying their best to help each other escape a solar storm despite having no language in common. All in all, it was an almost heartwarming story - not that Thrawn himself would have used that term, but cadet Vanto was clearly fond of it and the fact would make him lower his defences.

“Cadet Vanto?”

“Mh?” the human mumbled from where he was sprawled in a truly uncomfortable-looking position on his bed. He was pretending to study, but his breathing and heartbeat indicated how close he was to falling asleep.

“I wish to express my gratitude to you for all you have done for me.”

Vanto perked up, curious and now less close to sleep. “I did nothing special…”

Thrawn proceeded to explain how a significant detail had been left off from the legend he had been told, namely a ritual gift exchange Chiss would engage in on the rare occasion they interacted with outsiders, to cement mutual goodwill.  

“And for this reason, I have procured the ingredients most similar to those of my home planet I could find, in order to re-create the sweet that would traditionally be used in this exchange.”

Vanto sat up with a genuine smile on his handsome face and thanked him. There was a slight hesitation as he accepted the bite-sized cake, but Thrawn did not make much of it. He had ground some chandrillan peppers in a pre-made sweets mixture, and added some leaves from a particularly bitter tea. Just grounding the peppers had made his eyes water, and he knew human tastebuds were similar enough to his own that Vanto would perceive a truly horrifying and possibly painful flavour, but without coming to any real harm.

However, right has he had his mouth open to bite into the sweet, Vanto stopped, eyes narrowing. “Ingredients similar to the original ones, you said?”

“Yes.”

Vanto gave him a stare that would have cowered a lesser being. “You take a bite first. It’s…” the hesitation gave away the fact that he was about to lie, but Thrawn was too curious to see where this was going to call him out just yet, “It’s the polite thing to do on Lysatra.”

He held out the small cake expectantly and Thrawn knew that he had been defeated. It was almost… thrilling to know that this young man could have seen through his plan. But how? His lips twitched in amusement, and the expression on Cadet Vanto’s face mellowed.

“So I got it right, didn’t I?” he asked, smiling and pleased, “You were going to prank me with this.”

“I was,” Thrawn admitted, “But how did you… oh, I see, the ingredients part was what tipped you off.”

“Yeah. Last month you let yourself suffer through that horrible headache because you would not give anyone details on painkillers better suited to your metabolism, since giving chemical compounds from your home world might make it easier to recognise the system. And now you’d throw that away for a nice gesture? Nah. Good plan, though,” and he laughed, not offended in the slightest at the attempted prank.

All was good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> …I know it’s probably too soon for Eli to one-up Thrawn, but I could not resist. Also I just remembered [this adorable Codywan comic](https://captaingondolin.tumblr.com/post/183353027672/swdomesticverse-its-more-fun-when-the-stakes-are) and Eli and Thrawn would TOTALLY be like that, Thrawn going: “I have lost  ~~the game Risk~~  a prank war to only one person in my entire life. So I married him” and Eli: “I play for keeps” and smugly getting his arm around Thrawn.


	3. The Waiting Game

Thrawn wouldn’t call himself particularly competitive.  Not openly at least. But he will admit, that he dislikes to lose.  Which is a fair statement, what person enjoys being outsmarted. No, no what was between he and Eli, it was not a battle of wits.  Just merely a playful interaction between friends. Not an all out test of cunning.

It was hard to differentiate the two.  Even Eli himself referred to this exchange of pranks as a war.  A prank war, which did not sound very serious at all, but the word war sparked something primal in his warrior blood.  Putting this in the context of a war, then perhaps Thrawn was mildly competitive.

Needless to say, he had been quietly scheming his own pranks, to get back at the Human since the first unfortunate hair debacle.  Compiling a list and tucking it away waiting for an opportunity to unveil one when Eli least suspected it.

Something about these exchanges, while clearly childish, made him somewhat giddy.  A chance to stretch his strategic planning, in harmless settings while also bolstering his and Eli’s relations.  Ever since this had begun, he’d noticed increasingly how more open and relaxed his and Eli’s conversations would go.  Making him feel they were truly friends, rather than associates forced together. And it was an enjoyable feeling indeed.

But for the moment, he had to play the waiting game.  Looking both for his opportunity to strike, and be cautious of Eli’s own pranks.  There was a delicate balance they had to strike. Engaging in their activities in a manner that didn’t interfere with their duties to the Empire and still allowing them to escalate.  But so far, they’d never strayed too close to the line that would warrant a cease fire.

This also meant that it became all that harder to be secretive as to when they would strike when the times and opportunities were so limited.  So, they came down to a test of patience and observation. Which Thrawn excelled at. Not that Eli himself didn’t as well, in fact Thrawn was greatly impressed with the hidden abilities lying within Eli.  On top of his duty to the Empire, attempting to rise in the ranks, and this prank war, he’d dedicated time to help Eli hone his skills. And he was pleased with the results. Eli was becoming a worthy adversary.

Meaning it would be that much more rewarding to prank the man.

His opportunity came after much waiting.  A day like any other on the Bloodcrow, unsuspecting and ordinary.  Meaning it was perfect. With how Eli needed more sleep than Thrawn did, he had plenty chance to begin work on his prank while the Human slumbered unaware.  But only the bare essentials, anything else and his plan would be discovered. So he laid the groundwork, found some thin wire, fashioned an unassuming pulley system, and acquired a bucket.  Then the time for waited came again.

When Eli awoke, Thrawn acted just as he would any other day.  Sitting at the desk between their beds, scrolling through information on his datapad, while talking notes in the margins.  Hearing the Human stir, he averted his attention to listen to his morning ritual, searching for anything out of the ordinary that would indicate he was onto Thrawn.

Eli groaned as he sat up, shuffling around to stretch out his muscles.  Wordlessly he moved onto the fresher, leading to the sonic starting up. Fifteen minutes later he returned, Thrawn turned to address him, finding the man in uniform and still rubbing some sleep from his eyes.  His hair was still slightly unkempt, the lochs never adhering to any sort of taming, and Eli just opting to give up trying. As long as it didn’t grow any further it was still within regulation. And Thrawn found the look greatly suited Eli.

“Are you prepared Ensign Vanto?”  He asked, standing from his chair, switching off his datapad.  He had already completed his own preparations for the day long before.  Eli nodded, stretching once more and holding out his hand for Thrawn’s datapad.

“Yeah, let’s see what Captain Rossi wants to torment us with this time.”  Eli sighed in response, pulling up their daily duties on the datapad.

Ever since taking up command, Captain Rossi had not been subtle about her disdain for the Alien Lieutenant and his aide she was certain he didn’t need.  Leading to a lot of unsavory jobs being dumped on them. Thrawn had gotten used to the treatment and took them in stride. Eli was a bit slower to become content with the situation.  Many a night he’d vent about whatever she’d managed to scrounge up that day.

“I am sure it will not be too horrendous.”  The light joking seemed to resonate well, judging by the small smile that grew on Eli’s face.

“You wanna bet?”

Thrawn had been right when they’d reported to Rossi.  The only menial task she’d found was some data cataloging in need of doing.  Something far below what Thrawn’s rank entailed, but her excuse being,

“It needs doing and everyone else is busy.  Get to it.” While it was slightly insulting to be directed to such a worthless task, Thrawn just agreed and the duo went to work.  Eli, for his credit, seemed actually excited with their assignment. He had wanted to be a supply officer, and always took to swaths of numbers and spreadsheets as one would a hobby.  Which was perfect.

The task while simple, was time consuming, and really only required one person to complete.  So when Thrawn offered to leave the work to Eli while he retrieved meal rations for them, Eli gladly accepted, far too engrossed in the data to even think to analyse Thrawn’s true actions.  For Thrawn did not simply want to eat lunch.

Once far enough away from the computer terminal, Thrawn changed his course to their shared quarters rather than the mess.  No one bothered to question what he was up to, he never deviated from his tasks as it was. But right now, it was time to enact phase two of his plan.  And everything began falling into place.

After things were set in place, Thrawn snagged two ration packs and returned promptly.  Eli didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. Thrawn tucked that information away for later, seeing how easily distracted Eli could be by a complex set of numbers.  They paused only long enough to eat before going back to work, and Thrawn went back to patiently waiting.

Eli made great time with the data entries.  Shaving off an hour and a half from how long the job should have taken them.  Upon returning to Rossi, she didn’t bother to mask her surprise. She demanded they recheck every number, as if she didn’t believe they had finished so quickly.  Forty-five minutes later, that was finished, and after reporting, she simply dismissed them from duty for the day. Which only proved there was nothing in actual need of doing and she was just finding repetitive busy work to frustrate them with.

Thrawn didn’t miss how Eli strolled away with his head held high.  Surly getting off duty a few hours early was a decent enough reward.  And no doubt he was proud of his own handiwork, leading him to actually walk a half pace in front of Thrawn.  Unknowingly playing directly into Thrawn’s hands.

Their quarters came into view around the corner, and anticipation took hold of Thrawn.  He hoped Eli was prepared for the next installment of their prank war.

They were chatting casually, Eli describing how the method of data organizing his parents had showed him was far superior to Imperial teachings, which was why he could do the same work in less time.  Thrawn, while actually interested and engaging in the conversation, had only eyes for the approaching door.

They came to a halt before the metal door.  The only barrier between him and Eli’s prank like demise.  The Human inserted his code cylinder, the door whooshing open, just as it did any other day.  Not waiting even a second, Eli stepped through the threshold, mid sentence about item columns and the prank triggered.

One of the thin wires that went over the ground in front of the doorway, too thin to be noticed unless you were looking for it, was pulled as Eli’s foot pushed on it through the door.  Setting off the pulleys that trailed up the door frame, leading to the bucket he’d placed above the door during his second phase. And before he could get out another word, the bucket tipped, a cascade of water drenching the Human suddenly and entirely.

For a few beats, they were both silent.  Eli standing there dripping, arms held out, and staring down in shock.  Thrawn simply waited, a small smile gracing his lips. Slowly, the man before him began to turn, his wet clothes sloshing, his boots squeaking against the floor, until he faced Thrawn, wet hair matted to his forehead.

“I believe this constitutes as a successful prank, wouldn’t you say Ensign?”  He boasted, unable to school his smirk seeing the Human looking so much like a drenched lothcat.

Without a word, Eli scrambled at his wet shirt, peeling the clothing from his chest and whipping it at Thrawn.  The fabric collided with the Chiss’ face with a  _ whap _ , the water dampening his own uniform shirt.

“You little-”  Eli groaned before busting out into a fit of giggles.  Thrawn pulled the uniform from his face, fully ready to retort, before he caught sight of Eli.

In that moment, Thrawn realized three things.  One, Eli did not wear an undershirt beneath his uniform.  Two, his chest was more fit than his uniform and training regime lead on.  And three, he looked very appealing without a shirt and dripping wet.

The lapse in response in Thrawn didn’t seem to bother Eli, who just ran his hands through his hair, trying to wring out some of the water.  Thrawn watched him, feeling the skin around his uniform collar warm a tad bit more than usual.

“You’re cleaning this up you know!  And don’t think this is over!” Eli snapped, a mischievous smirk playing on his face.  Snapping from his gaze, Thrawn met Eli’s eyes and his own smile returned.

“Of course.  And I look forward to how you might repay this favor.”  He held out Eli’s uniform to him, the Human snatching it from him in a swift motion.  He balleed the cloth up and reeled back ready to throw it once again.

“Better start running!”

Thrawn didn’t run, but he did make a tactical retreat behind the refresher door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My addition to the Eli vs Thrawn Prank War of 2019. Hope y'all enjoyed, I'm so happy this is happening, its amazing to see these two dance around each other like this!
> 
> Stay Wizard  
> ~Mortis


	4. Lol(th)cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli tries to continue waging the Great Prank War despite his complete lack of time to strategize...
> 
> Chapter by ZsforSs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cats exist in the Star Wars Universe! Wookieepedia says so! This takes place pretty soon after the last chapter, because I'm not good at big time jumps.

There were a few good things about having a roommate who slept significantly less than you did. Well, ' _good.'_

One was that Eli couldn't pull the 'turn alarm off and roll over' move- something that had been his weakness for years- because as soon as his alarm went off Thrawn would immediately launch into conversation- apparently he saved it up over the course of the night and then just dropped it on Eli all at once once Eli was technically 'awake.'

Eli was nodding at something Thrawn said without really listening to him as they entered the mess for breakfast. That was another nice thing. This early the mess was mostly empty, and they hadn't run out of anything yet. Eli glance at the menu as he grabbed a tray- and paused. At the bottom of the menu someone had edited in a sad looking tooka begging in bad Basic for them to 'RETRUN TRAYZ PLZ.' Eli smiled and kept going through the line.

When they sat Thrawn was clearly thinking something over. Eli took a bite of his toast and waited for the questions to materialize.

“Why was that message about returning trays delivered in that manner?” Thrawn asked.

“What the meme?” Eli said. He saw the recognition in Thrawn's face when he said 'meme' which made it easier. “It was probably just to catch our attention, there's a lot of those types of memes, mostly using tookas or cats but you see them with other types of felines too. The captions are badly spelled and the felines are cute and usually the captions are goofier so they're funny.”

“I see,” Thrawn said. There weren't any follow up questions so Eli turned back to his toast.

While he chewed Eli pondered. The problem was- OK so there were a lot of problems- but the problem with the prank war he had going with Thrawn was that Eli didn't have any time to set things up. He knew Thrawn had used the time Eli was asleep and he wasn't to his advantage.  He had _hours a night_ to brainstorm.  


Also he had no idea what to do, but _something_ had to be done- especially after that last prank.  His honor demanded it, or, well, his pride anyway.  


They ate in silence, Eli trying to find a way to squeeze some more pranking time into his schedule and Thrawn reading on his datapad.  

As they were finishing up Captain Rossi stomped into the mess and yelled “Thrawn!”

Eli groaned. Someone should tell her that wasn't very professional. “What does she think you did now?” he asked.  


Thrawn's lips quirked, “I'll go see.” He got up, and left his datapad unlocked on the table behind him.

Eli stared at the pad, then at Thrawn's back, then at the pad. This felt like a trap, but the opportunity was too good. Eli slid Thrawn's pad over on top of his.

He had almost no time, but inspiration struck and he opened up the Holonet while Thrawn was still walking towards the Captain. Eli hoped he could find a good image in time.

Thrawn was talking to the Captain now, he could turn around any second now...  


And then Eli saw it. The cat was one of those fancy fluffy ones with the flat faces. It was solid gray, looked extremely displeased, and it's owner had put a tiny Imperial Officer's cap on it. ' DIS DUZ NOT MEET WEGULATONS' the image read.

Perfect.

Eli set the picture as Thrawn's background, pulled up the article (about dating? What was he looking at that for?) Thrawn had been reading and locked the pad.

It wasn't much of a prank but what else was he supposed to do? He spent almost every waking hour with Thrawn and Thrawn slept less than he did.

Speaking of Thrawn he was still talking to Captain Rossi, and Eli knew that look on her face. He sighed, and crammed the last of his toast in his mouth, knowing the orders to do something not in their job description were coming. Thrawn's tray was empty already so Eli collected both their datapads and returned their trays before heading over to join Thrawn.

“So glad you could join us,” the Captain snarked, even though she hadn't called for him.  Eli handed Thrawn his pad. 

“The Captain has requested we complete the entire ship inventory in preparation for our rendezvous with the ISD Icarus this evening. Supply should have a partial list for us to work off of.” Thrawn told him.  


That was 100% the supply officer's job but Eli knew by now not to argue. “Yes sir.” he said instead. He unlocked his datapad and fired off a message to said supply officer.  
  
The Captain bitched- er... discussed the assignment with them for ten more minutes before letting them go.

Eli's pad chimed as she stormed away. Eli checked his new message and told Thrawn what he'd just received.  “I messaged Supply Officer Bisc. Captain Rossi came straight to us after talking to her. She sent me a copy of the running inventory she keeps- and she's been prepping for this rendezvous all week. According to her message we only need to double check the three storage rooms outside the hangar bay.”

That was good news, because it was impossible for them to actually inventory the entire ship- or even a quarter of the ship in that time. Even double checking those three rooms would take all day.

“Then let us get to work.”

* * *

Eli had to remember to thank Supply Officer Bisc the next time he saw her. The three storage rooms were meticulously organized, everything labeled and stored away neatly, and even though Rossi had ordered them to do it alone two ensigns from Supply had turned up after a few hours to assist them.  As such they wrapped up ahead of schedule, a few hours after lunch- which they had skipped to make sure they finished on time. 

Eli finalizing the inventory and sent it off to Officer Bisc and copied Thrawn. He'd been in charge of the spreadsheet- as he had the copy from supply- while Thrawn and the ensigns had counted and organized.

They thanked the other ensigns and went their separate ways. Eli's stomach growled embarrassingly loud.

“A late lunch seems in order.” Thrawn said, smiling just the faintest bit.

“Sounds good to me.” Eli agreed, trying to ignore his inevitable blush.  


They had only just reached the mess hall when Thrawn's commlink chimed, and they were summoned to the bridge.  Eli sighed, but didn't complain.  He'd live.  


The first thing Eli noticed when they arrive was the ISD Icarus, clearly visible through the  _ Blood Crow's _ front viewing window, the next was the unfamiliar office on the bridge beside Senior Lieutenant Deyland and Captain Rossi.

“ _There_ you are Lieutenant Thrawn.” Captain Rossi said, even though they'd walked straight to the bridge after being commed. “Commander Arbane from the Icarus needs your inventory.”

It was a good thing they had skipped lunch after all. 

“Of course sir,” Thrawn said. He pulled out his datapad and the Commander, Senior Lieutenant and Captain stepped close. 

Eli's stomach dropped, Thrawn hadn't used his datapad all day. 

Eli couldn't see the pad from this angle, but he did get to see all four officers' faces as Thrawn's pad activated.

Thrawn's brows twitched, nothing more. Captain Rossi's face immediately scrunched up,her lips pursed, like she had smelled something nasty, Senior Lieutenant Deyland audibly snorted, and then pressed his lips together when Rossi glared at him - and Commander Arbane, grinned and said nothing. That was good, at least they'd only get in trouble from Rossi, maybe.  Regulations on datapad customization didn't prohibit changing the background, and the cat picture was hardly _inappropriate_. She couldn't ding them on anything regulation based, but Rossi was sneaky, if she wanted to she'd come up with something.  


Thrawn pulled up the inventory, and discussed it with the officers briefly before transferring a copy to Commander Arbane. Once this was done Rossi dismissed them.

As soon as they left the bridge Eli wheeled around to face Thrawn. “I'm sorry-”

Thrawn had a had over his mouth, and his shoulders were shaking. Eli blinked. Thrawn was _laughing_.  He cleared his throat, and attempted to contain himself, though he was still smiling fondly at Eli. “There is no need to apologize Eli. No harm came from your latest prank, and I enjoyed the results as well.”

Eli relaxed, and grinned back. “Rossi did look like she'd eaten an entire lemon.” he said.

Thrawn chuckled aloud this time. “Indeed.  Now, I believe it is time for lunch." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think Thrawn kept that background on his datapad for an embarrassingly long time.


	5. Hot and Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are heating up in the Prank War, in more ways than one.
> 
> Chapter by TessAlyn!

The next few days were quiet. Eli had braced himself for the fallout from Rossi over the datapad incident, but she said nothing on the subject. She did, however, assign him and Thrawn to clean the conduits down in the engine bays, which was easily the grubbiest, sweatiest job on the ship. Whether it was specifically a punishment for embarrassing her in front of the other officers, or just another round of her regular bullying, it was hard to say. And it didn’t really matter, Eli supposed. Either way, they were stuck down here for at least another four hours, with no breaks and no one else to help them.

 

He gritted his teeth. He would not complain, no matter how much he wanted to. That was what Rossi wanted, to have one of them crack. Then she would have an excuse to throw them off the ship, or worse, keep one of them here and send the other away. The thought of being separated from Thrawn filled Eli with a surprising amount of anxiety. He hadn’t realized how much he’d come to rely on the Chiss, both as a friend and a mentor.

 

_ Oh sure, that’s why you want him around,  _ Eli thought, rolling his eyes.  _ Because he’s a good  _ mentor _. Right. It has absolutely nothing to do with the way he’s been looking at you lately. _

 

He risked a glance at Thrawn, who was a few meters down the hallway, scrubbing the conduits with measured, even strokes. He seemed completely focused on his work, but Eli wondered. Several times over the past few days he’d caught the Chiss staring at him, usually while Eli was focused on some other task— reading, cleaning his blaster, tidying up his side of the room. He’d look up and catch those red eyes on him, intense and glowing, before Thrawn looked away. It was odd, and more than a little unnerving. What was he planning?

 

Elie watched idly as Thrawn wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. It was so hot down here, so close to the engines, that after an hour or so they’d both stripped off their tunics and were now working in just their undershirts. Eli wasn’t entirely sorry about this. Seeing Thrawn’s body glistening with sweat, his bare muscled arms rippling, the thin strip of blue skin visible between the waistband of his trousers and the hem of his shirt— no, he wasn’t sorry at all.

 

“Do you enjoy hologames, Eli?” Thrawn asked suddenly, without looking up.

 

Eli jumped slightly. He hadn’t realized Thrawn knew he was watching. “Uh, sure,” he said. “Why?”

 

“There is a new holo program in the simulator I have been meaning to try,” Thrawn said. “Perhaps you would like to join me later this evening, after we have finished our work.”

 

“If we ever finish.” Eli sat back on his heels and surveyed the rest of the conduit panels. “How many more are there to do? I’ve lost track.”

 

“Sixty-three at last count.”

 

Eli groaned. “Honestly, the only thing I’m going to want to do tonight is take some painkillers and a cold shower.” He paused. “It does sound fun, though. Maybe tomorrow night?”

 

“Indeed,” Thrawn said, sounding pleased.

 

#

 

Nearly five hours later, Eli’s arms were aching and blisters were starting to form on his hands, but they were finally done. Slowly he put his tunic back on, grimacing as the heavy fabric touched his hot skin.

 

“Let’s get out of here before we melt,” he said.

 

“A moment,” Thrawn said. “Your face is smudged.”

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Eli said impatiently.

 

“Perhaps not. But even small infractions provide Captain Rossi with more excuses to discipline or reprimand us. I, for one, do not wish that to happen.” Thrawn picked up one of the unused cleaning cloths and dampened it with a splash of water from his canteen.

 

“It’s okay, I can—” Eli started, then lapsed into stunned silence as this Chiss began wiping his face gently with the cloth, starting with his forehead, then moving down his cheeks, nose, mouth, chin. Eli’s stomach fluttered and he felt a very different kind of heat starting to spread through his body.

 

“There,” Thrawn said after a few moments, lowering the cloth. “Much better.” He smiled slightly.

 

Eli felt himself blushing. More to cover up his embarrassment than anything, he turned away and began packing up the cleaning supplies. “Thanks,” he muttered.

 

“You are welcome,” Thrawn replied. A pause. “Would you mind doing the same for me?”

 

Eli tensed.  _ He’s kidding, right? This is another prank, isn’t it? It has to be. _

 

“Sure,” he said cautiously, turning back around.

 

Thrawn handed him the cloth, then stooped down slightly so his face was within reach. Eli swallowed hard. They never touched each other,  _ never _ . Not even a high-five or pat on the shoulder. Thrawn just didn’t do that sort of thing.

 

“I can, of course, do it myself,” Thrawn said after a moment, as if sensing Eli’s hesitation. “If you would rather not.”

 

“No, it’s okay,” Eli said quickly, not wanting Thrawn to mistake his shyness for distaste or fear. “I just… I’m not sure where to start.”

 

The smile returned to Thrawn’s lips. “From the top, I believe, is the correct turn of phrase.”

 

“Right.” Eli steeled himself, then reached up and slowly began wiping smudges off Thrawn’s forehead. He was careful to avoid the curved ridges— he wasn’t sure whether it was okay to touch them or not, and he was too shy to ask. Thrawn stayed perfectly still, eyes half-closed as Eli moved down his face— rubbing the cloth gently over his nose, his sharp cheekbones, his narrow chin. 

 

It took only a few seconds to remove all the smudges, but they felt like the longest seconds of Eli’s life. “Done,” he said, stepping back with relief.

 

Thrawn opened his eyes fully and straightened up. “Thank you,” he said simply, and then without another word, began walking back towards the main corridor.

  
  


#

  
  


“You may use the fresher first,” Thrawn said once they’d arrived back at their quarters. “I need to finish the report for Captain Rossi.”

 

“Okay,” Eli said awkwardly. “Thanks.”

 

Once safely inside the fresher, he collapsed against the closed door and shut his eyes. This was not good. Not good at  _ all _ . He’d always found Thrawn attractive, but he’d always assumed it was a one-sided thing. Now he wasn’t so sure. And that scared him.

 

Slowly he peeled off his uniform, then turned on the shower and stepped inside the tiny stall, gasping as the ice-cold water hit his skin. He didn’t bother with soap or shampoo— he was too tired. He just stood there, letting the water cascade down his shoulders and back, rinsing off the grime and sweat. An image of Thrawn standing behind him, lathering his naked body with soap, pressing him up against the stall door, flitted across his brain, but he shoved it away.

 

After about five minutes, he made himself turn off the water and get out. He towelled off, wincing as the material grazed his newly formed blisters, and popped a couple painkillers from the medicine cabinet. He glanced down at his clothes, crumpled in a sweat-stained, filthy heap on the floor, and made a face. He should have grabbed a clean set from the closet on his way to the fresher, but he’d been too tired and distracted to think of it. Now he either had to put his dirty clothes back on, or walk out there wearing nothing but a towel. Neither option seemed appealing.

 

Eli debated for a moment, then decided feeling clean was preferable to feeling slightly embarrassed. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other naked before— it was inevitable given their close proximity. Ignoring the nervous tingling in his gut, he wrapped the towel firmly around his waist, gathered up his clothes and boots, and walked out.

 

Thrawn was lounging on his bunk, still typing on his datapad. He glanced up as Eli walked across the floor, but his expression didn’t change. “Finished?” he asked politely.

 

“Yep, all yours.” Eli tossed his dirty clothes in the laundry basket and sat down on his own bunk.

 

And let out a yelp of surprise. A horrible, screeching, caterwauling sound was emitting from underneath the covers, like a bunch of tiny creatures had started shrieking in unison.

 

Eli yelped again and leapt up, then ripped back the covers to reveal a pile of small, furry objects, some of which were still squeaking. For one horrible moment, he thought they were real, and he’d somehow managed to crush a whole litter of kittens.

 

Then he saw the price tags attached to their ears. They were fake, all of them— about two dozen stuffed squeaky toys shaped like cats. Thrawn must have placed them under the covers while he’d been in the fresher.

 

“You  _ ass _ !” he exclaimed, turning around.

 

The Chiss fell backwards on his bunk and dissolved into full-bellied laugher. It was a wonderful sound, deep and musical, and after a few seconds Eli felt a grin spread over his own face.

 

“You ass,” he repeated, trying to hold back his giggles. “Where the hell did you find these?”

 

“At the local marketplace on Bandomeer,” Thrawn got out, still helpless with laughter.

 

Eli picked up one of the stuffed cats and threw it at him. It bounced harmlessly off Thrawn’s chest. The Chiss stopped laughing and cocked his head to the side, eyes narrowed.

 

“Careful, Ensign,” he said. “Assaulting a superior officer is a court-martial offense.”

 

“We’re not on duty,  _ sir _ ,” Eli said, picking up another furry missile and hurling it at him. Thrawn dodged it easily.

 

Eli picked up an armful of the things and advanced on the Chiss, pelting him with fuzzy missiles one by one. Thrawn held up his arms to shield his face from attack, and then Eli was on him, grabbing at his wrists, trying to pin him down, Thrawn’s warm bulk pressed against him. 

 

They struggled for a moment or two, muscles straining, bed creaking. Then Thrawn went limp, letting Eli push him down into the mattress and straddle him with one knee on either side of his hips. A long pause while they stared at each other, faces so close they were nearly touching, both of their smells mingling together— sweat and engine oil and freshly damp hair. Then Eli let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

 

“Do you surrender?” he asked, the words coming out a little higher than expected.

 

“Never,” Thrawn said. He was breathing rather fast, Eli saw, and his face looked darker than usual.

 

“Guess it’s a draw, then.” Eli hesitated, then let go and awkwardly slid off him, towel riding uncomfortably high on his waist. “You’re getting better, though. That was was a first class prank. Way funnier than the water bucket.”

 

“I am glad to hear it.” Thrawn rose up from his bunk. “I must use the fresher.” He walked quickly across the room and shut the door behind him.

  
Eli watched him go, feeling utterly bewildered and more than a little light-headed.  _ What the hell just happened? _


	6. Innuendo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know what they say about men with big feet."
> 
> Chapter by ZsforSs!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look I know I just posted one but I had a good idea.

Eli made sure to secure as many of those little squeaky cats as he could- they might be useful later. Though he wound up with only 14... he wasn't sure where the rest of them went.

Things changed after that. Not...not overtly. It just got... not awkward, but more... just _more_.

Thrawn touched him more. Nothing overly feely- just a clap on the shoulder now and then. He'd sometimes put his hand over Eli's when Eli showed him something on his datapad- ostensibly to adjust the pad so he could read it better, but he hardly ever actually moved Eli's datapad.

Eli wasn't going to take that lying down of course. (No, not _like that_. Bad brain. _Bad!_ ) He casually stopped wearing shirts when they were in their quarters, he'd always slept shirtless as a kid anyway. He also started brushing his hair in their bedroom instead of the bathroom. Every time he caught Thrawn watching him out of the corner of his eye his stomach fluttered and he'd blush...

One day he was just going to...do something... about this. Unless Thrawn did something first. It seemed, sometimes, that Thrawn was on the verge of saying something too... but instead they just continued on as they had before, with more finger brushes, and heavy silences... and longer showers for both of them.

It was this last thing that gave Eli the opportunity to escalate the prank war- a much more straightforward prospect.

Step one was to collect a stash of facial tissue. That was easy enough, he just faked a stuffy nose and the quartermaster gave him an extra box.

He tested his idea out on his own boots first, waiting for Thrawn to go for his now considerably longer shower before he plopped himself down on the floor and started trying to pull one of his boots apart.

The insole of their standard issue boots came right out, and Eli layered several sheets of tissue along the bottom of the boot before slipping the insole back in and trying the shoe on- yep. He now had a shoe that felt just a bit too small.

Eli grinned, restored his shoe to normal and waited for his next opportunity to strike.

* * *

He went slow. They both had two pairs of boots- one for daily use and their special occasion pair- Eli decided to focus on Thrawn's daily wear pair and started adding a layer to each shoe every few days.

Thrawn didn't notice anything right away. One morning, about a week after Eli began his shoe stuffing campaign, Thrawn frowned down at his feet for a moment but said nothing.

Eli pretended not to notice, but he was secretly delighted.

So of course Rossi decided to ruin his good mood by sending them off to investigate an ailing freighter with a static locked cargo- the _Dromedar_.

* * *

What felt like a week later, but was only a few hours he and Thrawn were spending the night on Ansion before going to Coruscant- for their court-martial.  They're still waiting to see if the intel they got from the interrogations will prove useful, if it does things will go better for them.

He tried to tell himself things will go fine anyway, they haven't done anything wrong, but he just doesn't know.

Eli dropped his trunk on the bed awkwardly wedged in front of the open closet and flopped down on the only chair in the room. They were clearly in a single room that had had a second bed added hastily. “Go ahead,” Eli said, gesturing at the refresher.  
  
“You are welcome to-” Thrawn started.

“Nah, I just wanna sit for a minute. Go on.” Eli waved a hand at Thrawn.

Thrawn nodded, took off his boots, and headed into the refresher.

Eli stared at the boots. He should... He shook his head. Now was not the time. He swiveled the chair around to see if he could access the computer- there was a box of tissues sitting on top of the terminal.

He _really_ shouldn't...

But it was something normal, here in this unfamiliar room, facing an uncertain situation. Eli sighed and went to get Thrawn's boots.

* * *

Their flight to Coruscant left early the next morning, so they were up and dressing as soon as their alarm went off.

“My shoes appear to be shrinking.” Thrawn said.

“Maybe it's the weather?” Eli suggested as he tried get his hair in something resembling order. He didn't look at Thrawn.

“Perhaps.”

* * *

He had almost forgotten how much he _hated_ Coruscant. Almost.

The day had been a whirlwind of activity. They'd met with Colonel Yularen from the ISB as soon as they landed and gone through all the information on the _Dromedar_ incident- it was an _incident_ now- what felt like five times before being briefly turned loose to eat and find their quarters. At least they had an actual double this time, not bunk beds either which was good.

Then Yularen was back, to talk about their court-martial tomorrow- _pfassking shit_ it was _tomorrow_ \- and _then_ Yularen had insisted on dragging them out to a gala to _mingle_.

It made sense, but stars Eli wanted to just evaporate on the spot all night. He hated parties, even when he was back home on Lysatra he'd always tried to avoid them. And at least there people didn't look at him like he was garbage on their shoe or an interesting critter walking like a man.

Eli was mentally and physically exhausted by the time they got back to their room. He wanted to just go to sleep and wake up the day after tomorrow when all this was over one way or another.

But Thrawn gently steered him toward the refresher. “Go shower.” he said, his tone was almost an order. Eli thought about protesting, but then Thrawn added. “You'll feel better.”

Eli nodded and went, only realizing after the door shut behind him that Thrawn had put a hand on the small of his back to push him towards the bathroom. He didn't know what to do with that information...so he just got in the shower.

Thrawn was right, as the warm water washed over him he did feel better. Thrawn was right about a lot of stuff, and no matter what Rossi thought Thrawn had handled the situation on the _Dromedar_ as best he could... Eli just hoped they could convince the everyone else of that tomorrow, at least Yularen was on their side, and hopefully all the networking they'd done tonight had helped somehow.

Thrawn had... Thrawn had looked really good tonight. Even though they lived together Eli sometimes forgot how big Thrawn was. But he had been taller and broader than many of the people they'd met tonight. It made him stick out of course but it had also been ...nice. Comforting to have him around.

Eli sighed, he was blushing he could tell. He finished rinsing his hair and turned the water to cold. Now wasn't the time or place for this... _this._

When he left the refresher- wearing a full pair of pajamas and feeling weirdly keyed up- Thrawn was sitting on his bed, holding a boot. And still wearing boots on both feet.

He had changed into his special occasion boots for the gala, Eli realized. His special occasion boots Eli hadn't been messing with.

Thrawn didn't say anything though, and Eli didn't stop. He climbed into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.

“My normal wear boots are definitely not fitting right.” Thrawn said casually.

Eli yawned. “Maybe your feet are getting bigger.” He was so tired.

Thrawn huffed in amusement. “That seems unlikely.”

“You know what they say about men with big feet.” Eli said.

 _No._ _Why. Why brain why?_ He was tired yeah, but _how_ could his brain _fail_ him so _utterly._ He shut his eyes and prayed sleep came quickly. Now, in fact. Right now. _Please._

There was a long silence, Eli could feel Thrawn's gaze on his face. “What do they say about men with big feet?” Thrawn asked.

Eli couldn't answer that, not now. Maybe not ever. He pretended to be asleep.

There was another long silence, and then Thrawn said softly, “Good night Eli.”

He almost answered back.

* * *

And Eli had thought yesterday was an emotional roller coaster.

Their new ship, Thrawn's ship, the _Thunder Wasp_ was waiting on repairs and resupply but they went and saw her anyway.

As they looked over the ship Eli tried to figure out what he was feeling, exactly. Relieved that he wasn't getting kicked out of the Navy. Angry, still, at that woman and her _'generous offer'_ but also just in general. Mostly though he thought he was excited for the future he and Thrawn had coming

Maybe he could talk Thrawn into a spar? To burn off some of this excess energy. He'd get his ass handed to him but it would settle him.

“Well _Captain_ ,” Eli said, he refused to let the new title sting. Thrawn deserved it. “What do you want to do now?”

Thrawn smiled. “If the repair schedule is any indication we have plenty of time to explore the planet freely. Let's head back to our quarters and consider our options.”

They set off across the Naval compound, and as they neared their quarters something occurred to Eli. “You'll have your own room aboard the _Thunder Wasp_ won't you?” Why did that make him feel wistful? “That's exciting.”

“Yes. As will you.” Thrawn said. He didn't sound too excited either though.

Thrawn keyed their room open and let Eli enter first. He went to the refresher, and when he came out he found Thrawn sitting on his bed, boots off, and on the bed beside him.

“Of course.” Thrawn said, “With my own room I won't have to worry about _this_ will I?” He pulled the insole and the layers of tissue out of one of his boots.

Eli grinned sheepishly. “I suppose not.”

Thrawn smiled at him, and then cocked his head slightly and just looked at him for a long moment. Eli looked back, aware he was starting to blush again. Finally Thrawn gestured for him to come closer.

“Another successful prank for you then.” he said as Eli came to stand in front of him. It was weird, to look down at Thrawn when he was so used to looking up at him.

“I have a question for you,” Thrawn said softly. “I attempted to find the answer myself but was unsuccessful. There seem to be a variety of accepted answers.”

Eli licked his lips, and then immediately wished he hadn't done that. Yep, full on blushing now. “What is it?” he said.

“What...” Thrawn said. “do they say about men with big feet?”

Eli laughed, and then, feeling bolder than he had in a long time, gently took one of Thrawn's hands in his. “Oh you know,” he said casually. He pressed their palms together, Thrawn's fingers dwarfed his. “Just that it means _other_ parts of them are also big.”

Thrawn was staring at their hands. He looked up at Eli. “I see.”

Eli winked and leaned over Thrawn. He murmured “Is it true?”

Thrawn shifted his fingers, wrapping them around Eli's wrist. His other hand came up and rested on the back of Eli's neck, gently. He could pull away easily if he wanted. But he didn't.

Eli leaned forward more, their foreheads almost touching “Do you want to see for yourself?” Thrawn asked.

Eli grinned. He closed the distance between them and pressed his mouth to Thrawn's.

It was a quick kiss, but Thrawn kissed back. His fingers tightened on the back of Eli's neck.

When they broke apart Eli rested his forehead against Thrawn's. “Absolutely.” he said.

Thrawn pulled Eli into his lap, “Good.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: The Smooch That Launched A Thousand Ships (from TessAlyn)


	7. Bombs Away!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “First, we flirt a little bit, make out, you know… And then you just toss me to the side like yesterday’s caf?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prank war has come to a bit of a head... But have no fear, Thrawn's elaborate plan for a rebuttal shall come to fruition, or at least he hopes.  
> Bringing a bit of angst to the table... I hope you enjoy my addition to this fabulous project!  
> -JessKo

Eli lay in bed in his quarters on the _Thunder Wasp_ , unable to fall asleep. The room was just so incredibly quiet, having become accustom to Thrawn’s shallow, light breathing throughout the night made private quarters nearly unbearable. Earlier that day, Thrawn had commented on his aide’s tired state.

“Are you alright?” The Chiss had asked as they were standing on the bridge.

“Yeah.” Eli responded, stifling a yawn before it could escape his lungs. “Had to stay up late finishing that inventory for you.”

“I will assign you smaller tasks in the future, then.” Thrawn could tell this was a lie by the tightening of Eli’s neck muscles, but made no further comment and figured less work could benefit the human.

Eli shook his head. “No, Thrawn, it’s fine.” Truly, these tasks were the only thing keeping Eli sane, giving him some purpose and a place to direct his mind in the hours off duty.

It seemed that a captain’s work was never done, Thrawn being forced to spend lunches and long shifts on the bridge lest everything fall to chaos.

Thrawn quirked an eyebrow at the ensign beside him. “If you insist.”

Now, alone and with nothing to do, Eli rolled over again to the cool half of the mattress. Thrawn had still insisted on giving him fewer after hours assignments. There was one thing that dominated the human’s thoughts, however. Something he had been avoiding confronting, but again and again he dwelled on their final night together before taking command of the _Thunder Wasp_. He and Thrawn had kissed, deeply. Then taken things even further, pressing warm flesh against cold skin under the covers until drifting off into a pleasant dream filled slumber.

The next morning, however, things had changed back to how they were. Eli awoke alone in the bunk, Thrawn sitting with his datapad at the desk hard at work finalizing acceptance of his new command. Eli had silently slid out of bed, wrapping his arms around Thrawn’s shoulders.

“Mornin’.” He said softly, the twang of his accent drawing out the word.

Thrawn had not even turned to face him, shrugging his shoulders to remove the human from him.

“Please ready yourself, we need to report to the ship soon.” Thrawn replied, flat and almost distracted. It was as if he had not even noticed Eli really.

Defeated, Eli had trudged to the refresher. “Oh, alright.”

Now, nearly a week later, Eli still wondered what had caused Thrawn’s sudden change in heart. But the message was obvious. Thrawn did not want Eli in a romantic or sexual capacity in the way that Eli wanted for him.

Meanwhile, in Thrawn’s quarters, the captain had just finished his minimal four-hour sleep cycle. Without Eli to worry about waking, Thrawn found himself with much more free time than before. Rising from his bed, he opened the bottom drawer of his desk and drew fourth a peculiar device, placing it on the table’s surface and opening a panel of the cylindrical machine. Using a fine tool, Thrawn continued his alterations to the item long into the night. This was the task he used to consume himself in the lonely hours of the night, and it became his obsession, nearly every thought devoted to perfection.

* * *

In the morning, Eli’s alarm did not wake him. It simply made the sleep deprived man groan, rolling out of bed groggily. His quarters were sparse to say the least, a bed and small desk against one wall and sink and refresher stall against the other. Bare essentials.

He wondered if Thrawn, being the captain, had better accommodations, or had similar arrangements. This was no star destroyer, after all. Every inch of space had to be maximized.

Freshened up and dressed, Eli made his way to the mess hall for a cup of caf, or three. Whatever would get him to lunch time when he could have some more to carry him to the evening.

There was no sign of Thrawn, as had been the case the past few days, so Eli stood alone in the corner with his steaming cup.

Across the ship, Thrawn continued his tireless work on the object of his obsession, choosing again to forgo any sort of breakfast to make a little more progress on the machine. He was so close to it being operational, however the only way he would truly know is if it operated when delivered. There was no testing such an item, just one chance, so it had to be perfectly constructed.

Checking the time, Thrawn realized it was time to go on duty, so today would not be the day to complete the machine. Perhaps tomorrow it would be ready.

Feeling a fluttering of his heart at spying his aide in the hall, Thrawn increased his pace to catch up to Eli, falling into stride next to him.

There was no greeting from the human.

Perhaps, Thrawn considered, he was taking this war of pranks too seriously.

The way Eli’s fist’s clenched, the tightening of his jaw. The restraint of his speech…

Yes, the machine had to be perfect. Failure was not an option.

* * *

The next morning, instead of catching up to Eli, Thrawn stayed a pace behind, rolling a strange machine into his quarters before the door slid fully closed, a prong sticking out from the device catching the door and holding it unperceptively open.

Thrawn had to hide the sly grin that crossed his lips as he caught up to his aide.

Again, there was no greeting.

In fact, Eli nearly ran over a stormtrooper in the hall, the only thing preventing a collision with the distracted soldier being a pull on Eli’s waist from Thrawn, yanking the human towards him.

Eli, in his daze, hardly realized what had happened until he felt himself pressed against the Chiss. This recognition caused a pale heat to rise to the human’s cheeks. Despite how much he had been trying to move on, he still was falling for Thrawn. Hard.

One night just was not enough. He needed more, or at least answers.

Feeling brazen, Eli kept pressing against Thrawn until they hooked a sharp turn into an abandoned supply closet, Eli keying the door shut behind him.

“What had gotten into you?” Eli exclaimed.

Thrawn opened his mouth to reply, but Eli cut him off before he could even begin.

“First, we flirt a little bit, make out, you know… And then you just toss me to the side like yesterday’s caf? You have some serious explaining to do!”

The joyous bubble Thrawn had been in that morning popped immediately. Had his actions truly been that jarring?

“I do not understand, Eli…” He admitted.

“I don’t understand, either. Is this some sort of Chiss thing, love them once then let them go?”

“This course of actions would not exactly considered improper. My post has required much of my time and energy.” Thrawn continued.

Eli absorbed the words for a moment before responding. “Is that how you see me, taxing to your mind and body?”

“Yes. But it is a good sort of exercise. I only want to give you my best self, Eli.”

Eli actually laughed, a breathy chuckle, as he leaned back against the wall. “So, this has just been a big understanding? You are one funny son of a jawa, Thrawn.”

“Son of a what?”

“Don’t worry about it, that’s a very rude thing to say, its best to not be in your vocabulary. Knowing krayt spit is bad enough. But really, don’t think I only want you at your prime. When you are just being yourself, kriff even when you’re dropping buckets of water on my head, that’s when I like you the most. Not when you are some prepared dish to be served the empire.”

Thrawn hesitated. “I see. Eli, I am sorry for any confusion I have caused. Perhaps you should take this shift off, rest.” His face read of genuine concern.

Eli was not going to protest for once. “Fine, but you are walking me back.”

Perfect. “I would have this no other way.”

Back at Eli’s quarters, Thrawn even offered to open the door for the ensign.

“Oh, what a gentleman you are.” Eli replied sarcastically, but a slight smile was on his lips.  

The door slid open and Click, Click, Click. The device activated. Thrawn watched excitedly.

“What is-“

The last thing Eli saw was a giant poof of paint and glitter exploding from the middle of his room.

Reeling from the explosion, Eli surveyed the space before him.

Every inch of space was painted in shades of brown in curving stripes.

“Meow! Meow! Meow!” Chimed the now decimated device, sides blown out from the blast.

Turning to face Thrawn, Eli’s entire front was painted in brown stripes much like those of a tooka cat.

“You didn’t.” Eli accused, holding back laughter with a strong frown and pointing finger.

Thrawn chuckled, his controlled façade abandoned. “But, Ensign, it is obvious that I did.”

“I’M GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” Eli shouted, suddenly bolting towards Thrawn.

Acting quickly, the Chiss turned around and raced down the hall, making a significant lead before the smaller man. It was only when he crashed into a stormtrooper coming around a blind corner that Eli caught up to him and pounced, smearing brown paint all over Thrawn’s backside.

“You are acting rather feline, ensign.” Thrawn joked once he finally shoved the human from on top of him.

“You all need to watch where you are walking…” The trooper mumbled as she rose to her feet and abandoned the scene upon recognizing the captain.

“Mess with a tooka, you get the claws!” Eli joked.

“Your uniform does not meet ‘wegulatons’.” Thrawn chimed in with a smirk.

“Where am I supposed to clean off now that my quarters are ruined, hm?”

“I know a place.”

The next thing Eli knew, he was in Thrawn’s personal refresher, washing dried paint off his face while the Chiss retrieved a clean uniform for him.

In the meantime, he decided to slide into Thrawn’s bed in his undershirt and shorts, taking the opportunity to rest. He quickly drifted to sleep, so he was unaware of Thrawn’s extended absence.

Thrawn, entering Eli’s ruined quarters, assessed the damage. His machine continued to meow tauntingly.

The device had worked perhaps a little too well, the lid blown off Eli’s wardrobe and globs of paint seeping into all the spare uniforms. Seeing how far from any spaceport they were now, it would not be as simple as purchasing new ones for the human.

Perhaps washable paint would have been a better selection… No. Thrawn needed this to be far too difficult to just wash away. The room had to be deemed uninhabitable. The fumes from his specially formulated paint already was making him feel light headed.

Exiting the space, Thrawn returned to his duties, allowing Eli to rest for this shift as promised. He reported the ‘decorating accident’ to maintenance, at low priority, then took up his post. Afterword, he returned to his quarters to find the human curled on his side on the bed.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Thrawn gently rocked Eli’s shoulder to wake him.

“Mornin’.” Thrawn said as Eli’s eyes blinked open in a poor imitation of his accent. The human smiled widely.

“Is this a dream?” He asked, seemingly earnest.

“I am not sure, perhaps I should pinch you.” Thrawn offered, but Eli sat up with a shake of his head.

“No, but I’ll take a kiss.”

Thrawn obliged, planting a soft kiss to Eli’s warm lips. Warm brown eyes blew wide open.

“Wait, this is actually happening, for real? This is not a prank anymore?”

“This is all real, Eli.”

Eli pulled Thrawn into a hug, dragging the Chiss down onto the bed. “Prove it. Let’s do what we did that last night on Coruscant.”

“Yes, but first, there is a minor complication.”

Eli flopped back down onto the mattress with a pout. “What?”

“Your quarters were deemed unsuited for habitation, so you will be rooming with me for the interim.”

“I’d call that more of a plus than a complication.”

“Well, there is one more thing.”

“Spit it out.”

Thrawn’s face contorted in confusion for a moment, but he soon realized the meaning of the colloquialism- Eli was asking him to release words held back.

“Your uniforms were all ruined in the… incident.”

Eli’s eyes narrowed. “And that means what to me exactly?”

“You may have some of my spare sets if you like… I have also located another officer of a similar size, perhaps they will be generous enough to donate a uniform.”

“And who may that be?”

“Karyn Faro.”

Eli could not help but laugh. “Seriously? No one else. She’s a bit smaller than me I thought.”

“Well, it might be a bit of a tight fit, but the next closest officer is of a significantly larger size.”

“I think I’ll just save myself the embarrassment and try yours. I will have my revenge, Thrawn.”

“I would expect nothing less from you.”

“Good. Now kiss me again you big blue prankster.”

“Anything for my little tooka cat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long Live Tooka Wars!


	8. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV of the random stormtrooper that gets run over by Eli and Thrawn in the previous chapter. 
> 
> Warning for some canon-typical xenophobia. 
> 
> \- Gondolin (captaingondolin)

Vari was not happy about her assignment to the _Thunder Wasp_. She had nothing against Commander Cheno, of course. It was someone else that gave her pause. It was simply not done, a nonhuman in a position of command! And a particularly weird one, from what she’d heard. Some alien from the Unknown Regions with that reputation and already a court martial under his belt. Exactly what she and her platoon needed. 

* 

Lieutenant Thrawn was indeed an uncommon officer. But he proved himself to be smart and efficient. And he worked hard. Vari had served under people who didn’t care, and their carelessness cost time in the best of cases, or lives in the worse. 

Another thing in his favour was the loyalty of Ensign Vanto. He seemed the solid, reliable sort, and if he trusted Thrawn, then so could she – and she knew that many of her fellow troopers agreed with that assessment. 

Vanto seemed as serious and focused as his Lieutenant. Sometimes he looked almost sad – though she might be overstepping with the deductions there. But him and Thrawn worked together like a well-oiled machine, with Vanto sometimes anticipating the Lieutenant’s requests and responding by wordlessly handing him the relevant data or pointing to some already-done work. 

If anything, Lieutenant Thrawn worked too much. Vari never expected superior officers to just relax around the troops, but you’d usually hear rumours about one indulgence or other, or see them take time off where they could. Thrawn had his interest in art, of course, but even that he used only to further the Empire’s designs. He was always serious and did not seem to bond with anyone, not even with fellow officers. 

It was his perpetually inscrutable expression more than his blue skin that made him feel alien to her. Other officers at least got mad, or showed other chinks in their armour, but he never did. He even let Commander Faro talk back to him, and he was never afraid to ask questions, be they about the meaning of a word in Basic or about why a certain procedure was the standard. 

* 

Vari was walking back to her quarters at the end of her shift, when she was knocked on her ass by someone running in the corridor. 

“You all need to watch where you are going!” she shouted instinctively. 

Really, they’d been aboard long enough by now that any hazing should have been done already. But when she looked up, she realised her mistake. 

_Pfassk_. 

She scrambled up and made her escape, grateful for the protection and anonymity of her faceplate. Unfortunately, the helmet did not prevent her from hearing the exchange between Vanto and Thrawn, even as she power walked away. 

“Mess with a tooka, you get the claws!” 

Was that Ensign Vanto joking? 

“Your uniform does not meet _wegulations_.” 

Was that Lieutenant Thrawn _laughing_? 

Well, that was novel. 

And by novel she meant that she was going to get her head checked at the infirmary, because it must surely all be a hallucination. The Lieutenant didn’t _laugh_. 

And yet. 

In the following weeks, things started to change slightly. Thrawn still had his inscrutable expression most of the time, but Ensign Vanto seemed to have relaxed all at once. Oh, he was still his strict, efficient self when on duty. But he smiled easily now, praised jobs well done and his shoulders readily abandoned their ramrod straight military posture once he was off duty. There was even – dare she say it? - a spring in his step as he left the bridge some nights. 

* 

Lieutenant Thrawn gave an almost-smile and said: “Well done, Ensign. That was some good thinking there.” 

Vari wasn’t looking. She was just standing guard. Just another part of the ship. But damn if Ensign Vanto hadn’t just blushed all the way to his ears. She wouldn’t have noticed it hadn’t she been wearing her helmet, since the visor had heat sensors. 

Ensign Vanto’s voice dropped as he murmured something in return and then the most interesting thing happened. Lieutenant Thrawn _also_ blushed. The visor usually showed him as a darker mass than all the humans on board, his temperature lower than most, but now two lighter spots were clearly showing up on his cheeks. 

* 

During her standard patrol route, Vari rounded a corner just a step ahead of her colleague – and she could have sworn she saw Lieutenant Thrawn hastily remove his hand from the small of Ensign Vanto’s back. The Ensign’s head twitched to the side, as if he was trying not to look back, while the Lieutenant walked on as if nothing had happened, talking about... whatever he talked about when off duty. 

Stone sculptures, apparently, she noted as she passed them in the corridor. Sculptures and curving lines and how hard a material to work that was for primitive societies. 

“Would you care to show me, sir?” Ensign Vanto asked, voice eager and somewhat higher pitched than normal. 

*

“These are delicate parts we’re moving. Droids will be doing the heavy lifting, but we need human supervisions in the hangar,” Ensign Vanto said. 

“How many troopers do you need?” Vari asked. 

Vanto stopped a few paces ahead of her. “Let me get the data stick with measurement details and I’ll let you know.” 

He keyed in the access code to his room and quickly walked in to retrieve the data. 

Vari caught a quick look of the inside. She knew Vanto’s quarters had been cleared for use after that incident with the toxic paint, but she could see the perfectly made-up bed and the empty, unlived-in space. He might just be a very tidy person, but that was more than just tidiness. She wondered at that. Where had he roomed while his room was sanitized? She realized she had no idea. 

* 

The ship ran on continuous shifts, but usually officers got to work during the ship’s day. Vari had just had her start-of-shift caff, but the day was supposedly over for most of the other personnel on board. She saw Ensign Vanto walk briskly away from the bridge, towards the living section. But instead of going towards his own corridor, he took a different turn. Vari was going in a different direction, but she risked a glance towards the corridor Vanto had disappeared in. That was where the officers’ quarters were. 

There was the hiss of a door opening. She could not see inside from where she was, but she did see a blue hand reaching out and pulling Ensign Vanto in by the lapels of his uniform. The sound of Vanto’s happy, crystalline laugh was cut short only by the sound of the closing door. 

_Uh._

_OH._

Vari did most certainly _not_ walk into a wall instead of turning... but it was a close thing. So that was their deal. She started piecing together all the minute details she had been noticing and had to admit, a lot of things made more sense now. She should have reached that conclusion rotations ago. She knew why she hadn’t. She wouldn’t have even considered the idea of the alien Lieutenant having any kind of liaison, had she not seen the signs time and time again, glaringly obvious now that she knew. 

It wasn’t strictly within regulations but Vari decided once more to trust Ensign Vanto on this. If he didn’t complain, then neither would she. And, well, she had to admit, something so mundane as a relationship made Thrawn seem... less strange and intimidating. 

* 

“He is weird, though,” one of the other troopers insisted, talking about the Lieutenant, “I mean, what does he even do when he is not on the bridge?” 

_Ensign Vanto_ , Vari really wanted to answer. But she didn’t. 

“He’s a competent officer,” she said instead, “What more do you want?” 


	9. The Toolbox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli gets ambitious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided it's time for the Prank War to... expand a bit. Faro is not paid nearly enough. 
> 
> <3, MotherRameses

“Kriff!” Eli swore under his breath and stuck his thumb in his mouth, frowning at the soldering iron that had so rudely burned him.

Really, it was his own fault for grabbing the tool too low, but he was in a hurry and hadn’t paid enough attention. Three hours ago, the _Chimaera_ had gotten orders to make its way to Bakura to investigate whispers of smuggler activity in the region. Thrawn had summarily deduced from the reports that the activity was benign, and had dismissed his usual cadre of officers with the intention of retiring to his own quarters for the trip.

Eli had caught Thrawn’s subtly quirked brow when the Commodore asked him his plans for the next few hours, but had resisted the temptation to join the Chiss for what would certainly have been an entertaining time. Eli claimed to have some datawork to finish, and dropping a subtle hint that the work involved the doonium shipments Thrawn was so intrigued with seemed to have done the trick.

Thrawn had bade him a polite goodbye in the Officer’s Quarters corridor, and Eli absconded to his own room to hurriedly finish his project in time for planetfall. The incident with the Wookie slaves at Lansend 26 a week prior had left a dour mood among the crew, Thrawn in particular. Eli felt it was high time to lighten it up with a prank, and was counting his lucky stars that an opportunity presented itself so soon.

Said prank now sat before him.

It was a small, repurposed toolbox, its black paint faded and peeling. Eli had picked it up at a scrap market a few days ago, the intricate circular designs worked into its metal surface catching his eye. He had made some choice modifications to it, ones carefully concealed to even the keen observer. It’s battered metal walls now contained his colorful prank, with its spiraling artwork concealing the exit point.

He had spent the past few hours putting the finishing touches on the box, rendering the lock unusable and freezing its hinges for good measure. His hand ached from his last task, soldering crude lettering into the sides - a mix of nonsense Basic and Bogolan script that would hopefully catch the right eyes.

Eli debated finishing the last bit of scribble on the lid, but with his thumb still throbbing from the burn, he decided against it. If anything, the half-finished word would add intrigue to the box.

He sat back in his desk chair, stretching his sore back and admiring his work for a moment. But he didn’t linger over it for long - he had maybe an hour before the _Chimaera_ arrived at Bakura. Leaning forward again, he removed his Lieutenant Commander’s insignia plaque and popped the back off, settling in to finish his work.

\---

Bakura proved to be a beautiful planet. Eli hitched his bag higher on his shoulder as he and Faro stepped off the shuttle into a light drizzle, taking in the musty smell of the damp soil and foliage. He half expected Faro to make a disgruntled comment about the weather - she had proved to be a bit… prickly, with he and Thrawn when they had first come to the _Chimaera_. That was part of the reason he had planned his prank as he did; hopefully bringing her into the war would loosen her up a bit. But she remained silent, and Eli caught an almost wistful look in her eyes as she surveyed the forest clearing before them.

“Here.” Faro tapped his shoulder and handed him a poncho. “If you ruin that uniform, I’m not giving you mine.”

“Thanks,” Eli said with a chuckle, accepting the poncho and returning her rueful grin.

“Shame Thrawn didn’t come down with us,” she said as they followed the trooper squad towards the abandoned huts that the smuggler reports had tagged as the headquarters. “He’s been looking like he could use some time off ship, lately.”

Eli didn’t reply, merely nodding as they came upon the camp. Even though he trusted Thrawn’s deductions regarding the smugglers, that didn’t mean the huts couldn’t be concealing other nefarious things.

Faro seemed to sense his unease, and kept her hand on her blaster as they entered the first hut behind two of the troopers, the rest of the squad fanning out to inspect the others.

His extra caution proved unnecessary as they gave the space a quick visual sweep - everything inside appeared benign, and the trooper’s scanners showed no living beings hiding among the crates and storage cabinets. Satisfied that the hut held no danger, the two troopers left to assist their fellows.

Wordlessly, Eli and Faro stepped to opposite sides of the small space to begin a more thorough sweep, and Eli waited a few moments before glancing over his shoulder at the Commander. Finding her engrossed in the contents of a cabinet, he quietly reached into his bag and pulled out the toolbox, placing it surreptitiously on the corner of a storage crate.

They continued their sweep, overlapping each other’s search areas. Eli had almost given up hope that Faro would discover the toolbox, but as he reached the end of his search path, she spoke up.

“Vanto,” she called over her shoulder. “Did you see this?”

“See what?” Eli replied as he joined her. She had picked up the toolbox and was eyeing the scribbling on it.

“Looks like a toolbox,” he said, fighting the urge to grin.

“I can see that," she said shortly, shooting him a look. "But what’s this writing? Some of it’s Basic, but I don’t recognize this other script.”

“Let me take a look,” he said. She held out the box to him, and he lifted it higher into the light from the doorway. “Looks like… Bogolanese, maybe?” He made a show of frowning at it. “Uh oh. It’s Bogolan script, but not Bogolanese.”

“What does that mean?” Faro asked sharply.

“Well, Bogolan is used in Wild Space. But if it’s not actually Bogolanese, that means it might fall under UA protocols.” Years after discovering Thrawn, the Unknown Alien protocols were still in place, and for the moment, Eli was happy for that. It made this prank easier to pull off.

Faro groaned. “Don’t tell me this is an alien settlement! Bakura’s inhabited!”

“I’m sure it’s just a local thing,” Eli said. “But better call it in to be safe.”

“You’re sure you can’t read it? You’re from this part of the galaxy, aren’t you?” Faro gazed at him hopefully.

Eli ignored the slight sting from her statement - Faro didn’t actively practice the prejudice he often experienced at the hands of others with Core-Centric views, but it still colored her words at times. “It’s not ringing any bells with me. But Thrawn might be able to pick something out from it.”

“You’re right; I hadn’t thought of that.” Faro pulled out her comm and hailed the Commodore.

“ _Go head, Commander_.” Thrawn’s voice came through the comm.

“Sir, we’ve found something in one of the huts,” Faro said, staring at the box in Eli’s hands. “Some sort of toolbox, but it’s got some writing on it that we can’t make heads or tails of.”

“ _Explain_.”

“Well, it’s got a mix of Basic and something Vanto says is Bogolan Script,” she said. “But apparently it’s not Bogolanese.”

There was a pause before Thrawn replied. “ _Curious. Who discovered the toolbox_?”

Faro frowned, glancing at Eli. “I did, sir.” Eli raised his brows and shrugged at her questioning gaze.

There was another pause. “ _Have you found anything else with similar markings_?”

“No sir, but we haven’t checked the other huts yet.”

“ _Finish your search. If you find anything else, comm me again. Otherwise, return as planned. Bring the toolbox with you_.” Thrawn signed off, and Faro tucked her comm back in her belt.

“Why would he ask who found it?” Faro asked, and Eli shrugged again.

“No idea,” he replied, fighting again to stifle a grin. Thrawn knew something was up, but Eli had played his cards well. Everything was going as planned.

\---

Thrawn met them in the hanger when they returned to the _Chimaera_ , Sensor Officer Hammerly in tow. She gave a small chuckle at Eli’s questioning glance.

“My parents retired on Cerea and started a shipping business. You’re not the only one familiar with the trade languages.”

“Thank the stars,” Eli said, smiling at her. “Hopefully between the three of us, we can make some sense of this so we don’t have to figure out what part of the UA protocols we have to follow.”

“I’m sure this mystery will be explained soon enough,” Thrawn cut in blithely. “May I see the item in question?”

“Here sir.” Faro pulled the toolbox from her shoulder bag and handed it to him.

Thrawn didn’t comment as he examined it, leading them out of the hanger to an adjacent meeting room. He keyed the lights as they entered and placed the toolbox on the table.

“That’s Bogolan,” Hammerly said as she bent over it, peering intently at the markings. “You said you couldn’t get anything from it?”

“Nope,” Eli said, sitting next to her. “Even the Basic on it doesn’t make much sense.”

“Hmm.” Hammerly looked up at Thrawn. “Commodore? What do you think?”

“It appears to be nonsense,” he said, running a finger over the markings. “Even if it were an unknown language using the script, it posses no structure or grammatical conventions.” He reached into a pocket and pulled out a multitool. “Did you attempt to open it, Commander?”

“Not with force sir,” Faro said, eyeing the box ruefully from her seat at the table. “I figured it’d be better to let the techs get a look at it.”

“Perhaps we will find answers inside.” He sat down at the table and began to fiddle with the lock. “Commander, would you raise the lighting levels?”

“Yes sir,” Eli and Faro said in unison, then laughed together.

“I’m closer, I'll get it,” Eli said, quickly standing. Really, he was a Lieutenant Commander, but Thrawn had dropped the prefix enough times to excuse the mix up.

Besides, he would use it to his advantage. Now was the time to strike.

He got up and crossed to the lighting controls by the doorway, casually checking to see if he was being observed as he did so. The three were still engrossed in the box, and he turned towards the door, deftly raising a hand and pressing a tile on his insignia plaque.

There were two startled cries as his trap went off with a muffled boom, and Eli plastered a look of shock and surprise on his face as he turned back to the group.

It was hard to keep up the look as he surveyed the scene.

Everything was _covered_ with glitter - the table, the ceiling, the three officers sitting around the now open box. That had been his plan, of course, but seeing the results of his hard work was almost too good to be true.

“What the _hell_!” Faro cried, staring down at her uniform in dismay. Hammerly was sitting in stunned silence, eyes wide with shock. Thrawn had raised a hand to his face in time to shield it from the glitter bomb, and he slowly lowered it to turn his piercing gaze to Eli.

If Eli hadn’t been mildly terrified at the challenge he saw in those glowing red eyes, he would have lost it. Thrawn’s obsidian hair was coated with shimmery glitter, and his pristine uniform looked more like it belonged in a dance club than a Star Destroyer. His hand hadn’t covered the entirety of his face, and his lips and jaw seemed to caught the brunt of the blast.

“Are you alright sir?” Eli rushed forward and shoved the box towards the end of the table.

Thrawn didn’t reply, instead raising a hand and grasping Eli’s arm. For a moment, Eli thought Thrawn was going to send this prank down the usual road of playful wrestling upon discovery (Faro and Hammerly were _right there, what is he thinking!_ ) but he instead turned Eli around, then began dusting off his shoulders. Eli craned his neck and saw sheets of glitter fall to the floor with each brush, and he couldn’t hold his laughter in any longer.

That seemed to break the stunned spell, and Faro and Hammerly joined in, weakly at first, then with gusto, tears streaming as they realized their predicament.

“Who the hell did this?” Faro asked between gasping breaths. “Was it you?” She pointed a finger at Eli, and Hammerly turned her gaze to him accusingly.

“What? No!” Eli protested, raising his hands. “You were the one who found the box!”

“I didn’t do this!” Faro cried. “Look at me!”

“Didn’t you have a squad with you?” Hammerly asked, barely able to speak for laughing.

“Perhaps they might have some answers,” Thrawn cut it, the darkness of his voice tempered by his grin.

“If Ayers is behind this, I swear…” Eli grumbled dramatically, ruffling his fingers through his hair and sending glitter raining down on Thrawn. He hadn’t expected his bomb to be so powerful, but it seemed to work out for the better - he had gotten caught in the prank as well, if from a distance, and that took suspicion off of him.

“Commander Faro,” Thrawn said, turning to the woman as she swept off her cap and shook it vigorously. “I am placing you in charge of the investigation of this… incident.”

“Yes sir,” Faro replied, not looking up from her cap. “I’ll start as soon as I get this glitter out of my teeth.” She didn’t catch Thrawn’s pointed glance at Eli, and he shot his Commodore a quick grin. Thrawn had just raised the stakes of their little prank war, but that was just as much to his disadvantage as it was Eli’s - if the rest of the ship was on the lookout for a prankster, Thrawn would have to tread carefully in his retaliation.

“Good hunting, Commander. Lieutenant Commander, with me.” Thrawn rose from the table, and Eli followed him out into the hallway.

“... you shoulda seen your face.” Eli said as they walked, giggling to himself. “I wish I coulda taken a holo.”

Thrawn glanced down, then pointedly directed his gaze forward as a tech passed them, eyeing Thrawn’s shimmering uniform in confusion. Eli caught Thrawn carefully tracking the tech’s progress past them down the corridor, and when the last echoes of their steps disappeared, Eli braced himself as Thrawn snagged him by the arm and pulled him into a recess in the bulkhead.

He didn’t have time to say anything as Thrawn kissed him roughly, pulling Eli bodily against him. Eli was already keyed up from the successful prank, and chased Thrawn’s lips as the Chiss pulled away.

Thrawn didn’t say anything as he gave Eli a mischievous smile, pointedly raising a hand and wiping his own lips. The gesture removed some of the glitter, and Eli gasped, offended.

“You did not!” He raised a hand to his own lips and it came away glittery. He stared down at his uniform, dismayed to find that Thrawn had managed to cover him in the stuff with his rough embrace.

“As I have said before,” Thrawn said as he stepped out from the recess smoothly, Eli following, disgruntled. “There are few traps that cannot be turned against their designer.”


	10. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very short interlude to preface the next coming chapter.... enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you have an idea or want to add a chapter (it doesn't have to be chronological, if you've got an idea that fits in the beginning, it's welcome!), shoot me a message on tumblr (jewelliffer), or come join the discord! https://discord.gg/zyrv8gK
> 
> <3 <3 Mother Rameses

Faro squinted as she rounded the corner to the meeting room suites and caught sight of a figure sprinting down the corridor. As they neared, she realized it was Lieutenant Commander Vanto.

"What is going- ?"

"Sorry ma'am! Emergency down in Supply!" Vanto cried as he sped past her. She whirled around and caught sight of him banking around the corner, and a moment later an MSE droid flew through the intersection after him, going as fast as it's little wheels could carry it.

 _Emergency in Supply?_  she thought, confused. What in the world could be going on in Supply that would have Vanto sprinting like that? She certainly hadn't heard anything...

Frowning, she turned back and continued towards the meeting rooms. Thrawn had requested a report on the Prankster, and even though she still had no leads after a week’s worth of investigation, she didn't want to be late.

As she neared the meeting room at the end of the corridor, the Commodore appeared from it’s doorway, gazing down intently at his datapad. He paused for a moment, then walked down the corridor, heading in the same direction Vanto had dashed off.

"Is everything okay, sir?" Faro called, still a few meters away and picking up her pace.

"Hm?" He looked up at her as they met in the hall, seemingly confused by her query.

"With Supply, sir. I just saw Vanto heading down there."

"Oh." Thrawn seemed... odd. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something about him seemed amiss. It wasn't like him to be caught off guard by a simple question. However, he responded with his usual candor. "I have not heard anything, but Commander Vanto is in charge of that department. If it is truly serious, he will alert me."

As he nodded for her to walk with him towards the bridge, two more MSE droids zipped past them at that moment, startling Faro. They had shot out of the wall beside them like tiny rockets, servos practically screaming as they zoomed down the corridor.

"What's gotten into these things today?" She asked, swearing. They were already pretty quick little things, but she had never seen them gunning it down the hall like that.

Thrawn said nothing as he continued to type on his datapad. He hadn’t even twitched when the droids appeared, but then again, she had never seen him startle over anything.

After a moment, she cleared her throat and held out her own pad. "Sir. The report you requested."

"Ah, yes. Thank you. Any luck?" He took it from her, but tucked it beneath his own, barely taking his eyes from whatever he was working on.

She swallowed. "Unfortunately not, sir. Whoever this prankster is... they're good." She knew it sounded like an excuse for her lack of results, but it was true. She hadn’t been able to track down a single lead on the mysterious hooligan, and she was starting to get frustrated.

"Indeed they are," he said, finally glancing up at her and offering her a small smile. "Keep at it. The truth will out, eventually."


	11. Tooka Trouble 2: Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Commander Vanto there you are! As you can see… We have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is back at it again with the Loth Cats. Me!  
> I hope you enjoy my addition, this is bouncing off/including the previous interlude.  
> -JessKo

Long trips through hyperspace were uneventful to say the least, but Lieutenant Commander Eli Vanto was thankful for the lapse in action. Missions had continually gotten more complex, and taxing, since Commodore Thrawn had been given command of the Star Destroyer Chimaera. Making his way to the mess, Eli ran into the Commodore, flashing Thrawn a small smile in the hall.

“Care to join me for lunch?” Eli asked hopefully. Thrawn’s eyes glanced over his datapad.

“Yes, I have time for a brief meal. Thank you, Commander.”

Eli fought down a sigh. Sometimes he wished Thrawn wasn’t a tactical genius. Maybe then he could have more time with his partner… Well, at least he had not been reassigned elsewhere, so that was a positive he’d choose to focus on.

In the mess, Eli went down the buffet line, stopping abruptly. “Oops, forgot a roll…” He muttered when Thrawn absentmindedly walked straight into the human. Thrawn reached back to pass Eli the mentioned baked good.

“One of these?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Sitting down at an empty table, Eli noticed something underneath him that let out a piercing squeak, but standing up he saw that the bench was empty. Narrowing his eyes, Eli turned to Thrawn, sitting a second time and feeling the soft lump again, and make the same piercing sound.

“What are you up to?”

“I am innocent.” Thrawn offered, raising his hands yet sounding anything but.

With a hum, Eli reached into his back pocket, revealing a small Loth Cat plush. “Ha ha. Very cute. A bit of a step down for you though, to be honest.”

Thrawn shrugged. “I’ve been quite busy…”

“Yeah, I know.” Eli said, unable to fully mask the darkness in the tone of his voice. “But you are going to have to do better than this.” He then joked, trying to lighten the mood by placing the plush on top of his mess of brown curls. This earned a thin smile from Thrawn.

“As you wish. But remember, you asked for it.”

“I look forward to seeing your creativity in action.” The expression now on Thrawn’s face was the sort that could inspire fear in most of his adversaries in battle. All but one, that is. For Eli, this smirk sparked excitement. Anything that could rouse the Chiss’ playful nature was something to pursue for him, after all.

* * *

 

Eli hated the nights he spent alone but knew that spending every evening with Thrawn would be more than suspicious. He already dealt with enough crap from the other officers on board, having it known he was in a relationship with a superior officer would just be the Shef’na fruit on top of it all.

“Hey! Vanto!” A voice called out from behind him. Preparing for the worst, Eli turned around to see another officer approaching at a quick clip. “Any chance I can pop into your quarters and use the ‘fresher? Mine is on the fritz again. Sonic just doesn’t cut it after a day in the supply dock, you know?”

Relived, Eli keyed open the door to his quarters. “Yeah, sure Lieutenant... Uh…” Kriff what was this guy’s name again.

“Lyste.” The officer corrected Eli with an edge of irritation to his voice. “I can not wait to be transferred planet side. I swear, it is like these ships are maintained by a team of womp rats and MSE droids.”

“Well, you are only half wrong. The MSEs have been working over time to keep up with the wear we’ve been putting on this thing.”

“Right…”

A moment of awkward silence passed between the men in Eli’s small quarters.

“Must be nice to at least have a space of your own.” Lyste commented. “I’ve got the same set up, but with a second bunk on top of my own. Privacy is in short supply, and my roommate snores like a bantha.”

“Yeah, I remember those days.” Eli felt a pang of nostalgia for when he shared quarters with Thrawn, wishing they had acted on their feelings sooner, when things were simpler. They could have had so many more shared nights. Still, he would not trade what they had for the galaxy, no matter the circumstances they had to pursue it in.  

“As part of my transfer I’ll be getting my own room. I will be holding Agent Kallus to his word there. He must have thought I’d need motivation to leave this flying dump.”

Eli exhaled heavily, motioning to the refresher door. “You said you needed the refresher?”

“Yes, sorry for wasting your time, Commander Vanto.” Lyste apologized, activating the refresher door which slid open half way, then grating to a stop. Eli could have groaned. The Chimaera was a hand me down ship for sure and was at the end of the line for minor repairs such as this. The Empire’s distaste for Thrawn really shone at times like this, and Eli was sure Lyste was just a few words away from mentioning this fact.

“You have to wiggle it.” Eli added softly.

With some force, Lyste jimmied the door open, closing it with some hassle behind him. Eli flopped down on his bed, pulling off his boots with a relived sigh. After walking around the massive Star Destroyer it felt good to just sit down and relax for a moment. With a pang of sadness, Eli realized he had lost the plush from before. It must have fallen out of his pocket down in supply.

Eli’s quiet reflection was quickly interrupted by a shirtless Lieutenant Lyste squeezing through the half-opened refresher door.

“I did not realize you had such an affinity for the fauna of Lothal.” Lyste began, holding something in his arms. “Mind if I relocate these?”

Raising an eyebrow, Eli tried to figure out what Lyste was holding. “What is that?”

“Your Loth Cats, from the refresher…” Lyste replied, dumping several small plushes onto the small desk. “There are quite a few more, but these were all I needed to move to clear the floor.”

“What? Let me see.” Eli stated shoving the refresher door open to reveal the sink piled high with tooka plushes haphazardly balanced on one another. Eli could only stare. It was strange, sure, but honestly not nearly as grand a gesture as they had peaked at. Perhaps Thrawn was trying to make a statement, to keep this war of theirs private. That was fair enough, Eli considered.

Unfortunately, though, he now had to explain several dozen stuffed cats to Lyste.

“Ah, right. The Loth Cats.” Eli began. How the hell was he going to spin this one? “My, uh, sister really loves these things, so every time we go planet side I find myself grabbing one. Forgot I tossed them all in here, sorry about that.”

Lyste seemed skeptical but bought the idea. “Ah, well I hope you are able to deliver them soon. I’m going to…”

“Yes, of course.”

With that, Lyste disappeared a second time, and Eli mindlessly arranged the stuffed animals on his desk, making a feline parade of sorts. He hardly noticed when Lyste left his quarters with dry gratitude.

Alone again, Eli fetched the rest of the loth cats and added to his marching line, creating a snake all the way down to the floor to the door and snapped an image of the arrangement.

‘Sneaky to get these in here, but this is hardly skillful.’ Eli captioned the image before sending it to Thrawn with a chuckle.

‘Sorry to disappoint.’ Was the curt reply. To tired to press the Chiss further, Eli retired for the night amidst his furry army.

* * *

 

The following day, Eli awoke to the terror below, tripping on the stuffed cats as he rose to turn off his ringing alarm. Kicking the toys under his desk, he went to the refresher to prepare for the day, same as always. Opening the door revealed something much different than the usual, though.

Taking up nearly all the usable spaces were life size Loth Cat toys. An orange cat filled the sink basin, brown crowding the toilet seat. Bright blue eyes of a several white loth cats stared at Eli from the shower floor.

Perhaps giving Thrawn security override codes to his room was not the brightest idea, Eli figured. Regardless, this prank was starting to reach the expected level. Wrangling the new additions to his collection, Eli washed up and dressed, meeting Thrawn in the mess for their first meal.

“Better.” Is all Eli had to say to earn a mischievous flash of Thrawn’s bright eyes.

Meanwhile, in the supply room, a storm trooper regiment was instructed to assist in moving some heavy cargo.

“Can’t the droids handle this work…” Vari muttered as she pushed a large crate on a repulsorlift.

“Let’s just get this over with, at least it’s a break from patrol.” Another trooper offered.

“A break from patrol is lunch, not- AH!” With a shout, Vari clattered to the floor, loosing her footing on something slippery on the floor. Sitting up, she realized it was a small plush tooka cat. A loud crash commanded her attention- the repulsorlift had drifted into a stack of crates, and her cargo fell to the floor.

The massive crate burst open with a hiss, and the last thing she saw was an orange and brown blur vaguely in the shape of a… tooka? Before she could react further, the expanding mass pinned her to the ground. “SOMEONE HELP!” She shouted, surrounded by something soft but uncomfortably heavy.

Eli felt his comm link buzz to life as he spooned some flavorless mash into his mouth. “Commander Vanto! We need your assistance in supply urgently!”

Setting down his utensil, Eli mouthed an apology to Thrawn and responded to the call. “On my way!”

Bolting towards supply, Eli had to shrug off an especially inquisitive Captain Faro, she really was getting antsy about this whole prank thing. It was almost funny, the wild chase Thrawn had set her on.

With a sly smile, Thrawn rose to fetch his datapad from where he had left it in a meeting room so as to not spoil Eli’s surprise. Now, he wanted to watch the surveillance feed for this.

Bracing himself, Eli opened the bay doors to supply, and was pushed backwards by the Cheshire grin of a Loth Cat. Only the face could squeeze through the massive doors.

“Frak…” He uttered. Thrawn had really outdone himself this time.

Thrawn frowned at the data pad, his surprise had gone off earlier than expected. The troopers handled crates rougher than he anticipated. It was no matter, Lieutenant Lyste had made his emergency call just as planned, just for much larger a reason than the rotten fruit he had planted the day prior. Thrawn had observed that there were several constants with core world people. They had a hate of aliens, distaste for those from the outer planets, and a rather impractical fear of uncleanliness.

“Commander Vanto there you are! As you can see…” Lieutenant Lyste forced himself through the doors around the giant cat barricading the supply dock. “We have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“No kidding…”

“I think your sister would appreciate it.”

“What? Oh yeah, probably.” Eli didn’t even have a sister, so this charade was not going to be easy to hold up for the Lieutenant.

Both men assessed the situation.

“Should we shoot it until it pops?” Lyste offered.  

“No!” Eli responded defensively. “I am sure this is here for a reason.” He stated to cover himself.

“What possible reason could the empire have for harboring this… this thing!” Lyste added, exasperated.

“It is a work of art I intend to study.” A cool voice called from behind. Both men turned to face Thrawn.

“Sir!” Lyste called out, anxious.

“At ease. I understand that this work is rather… unconventional.” Thrawn responded.

“Yeah you could say that.” Eli said, shuffling his hands against one another.

“It should not be difficult to coax it back into its crate.” Thrawn continued, the mischievous gleam returning to his gaze.

“Where exactly is this from?” Lyste asked, still utterly flabbergasted.

“Lothal, Lieutenant.”

Lyste’s face melted, Lothal is where he was headed when his commission on the Chimaera ended soon. Was this really what he had to look forward to? “Oh.”

“We will have this cleaned up in no time.” Eli stated. “I assume it is simply a shell inflated with air.”

“Correct. I will see you back on the bridge when you have the work contained.”

“Yes sir.”

Containing the massive tooka was easier said than done, Eli and Lyste braving the tangle of limbs and fur to find some sort of inflation port. “I think I’ve got something!” Lyste announced from the underbelly of the cat.

With a bit of finagling, an auto-inflate intake was reversed, the air slowly expelled from the ‘work of art’. It took most of Eli’s self-control to keep from giggling the entire time. This was absolutely absurd! Where did Thrawn even find this thing, and better yet how did he smuggle it aboard undetected. 

As the cat became more of a pancake, Eli noticed a wriggling mass under a large foot. Soon, a while helmet peeked out from between two toes.

“I can see light! I’m free!” The trooper proclaimed, rising to her feet. “Today has been a nightmare…”

“Welcome back to the galactic empire.” Eli teased from behind the trooper, who went rigid at the sound of the commander’s voice.

“Don’t worry, I know this is quite the strange situation. Mind helping fold this back into its box?”

“Of course, sir.”

Once the cat was contained, Eli took his leave, hearing an exclamation he chose to ignore on his way out of the supply dock.

“What the hell is that smell?”

Back on the bridge, Eli performed his duties as always, keeping things incredibly professional. As his and Thrawn’s shifts ended, Eli was met with a pleasant surprise.

“I have had our meals delivered to my quarters, if you would care to join me.” Thrawn offered.

Without hesitation, Eli accepted. “Of course, lead the way. No rotten fruit I hope.”

“You noticed that?”

“I’ve been getting messaged from Lyste about it all day, dramatic monologues about the stench being untamable despite spacing the whole supply. I’ll give you props, that would have been quite the subtle way to get me down there.”

“Yes, well, the crew had other plans it seemed.”

“It honestly is a gift that just keeps giving.”

“But it was also a surprise?” Thrawn asked, shockingly innocently, as he opened the door to his quarters. Eli stepped in and closed them behind him.

“A fantastic surprise! You got me good with this one.” Eli threw his arms around the taller man, pulling him close.

“Another successful prank then. It is now your move, my love.” Thrawn stooped down, kissing Eli between the eyes.

“I guess it is.” Eli said through a rising blush. “But not right now, tonight you are all mine.”

“There is no other way I would have it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by James Veitch and his many, many rubber ducks.


	12. Presentations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli is getting ready for a final presentation at the Imperial Academy and is irritated with his roommate's free time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place well after ‘Chapter 2: Thrawn plots his revenge’ but before graduation.

Thrawn was over preparing again.  Eli glumly worked on his own project, trying to ignore his roommate.  Thrawn had finished the due project weeks ago, of course, and apparently he was offended by the quality of the other cadets presentations and decided to further improve his own.   _He was going to make us all look bad. Again_.  He grumped to himself.  Eli sighed, trying to let go of his resentment.  It wasn’t Thrawn’s fault that the material wasn’t challenging or mentally stimulating.  Mind, in a way his overdoing it was kinda nice. Thrawn has had way too much free time to devote to pranking him the past two weeks leading up to the finals.  Everyone else was overwhelmed with trying to get everything done and study, which made it even easier for Thrawn to get away with stuff. Eli felt his cheeks flushing as he remembered how the last one left him with no dry clothing for the night.  He didn’t admit it out loud, but he did enjoy the side effects of that one. He tried to resettle, shifting slightly, trying not remember just what Thrawn had done  _after_ the prank.

And then jumped when Thrawn leaned over and touched his cheek.

“I would not think the migration patterns of the lliget birds of Naboo would be . . . Stimulating”, Thrawn had that knowing almost-smile on his face.

Eli lost his fight with his blush as he tried to stammer out a reply, before giving up and just ignoring Thrawn as a smirk grew on his roommates face.

Well, that was embarrassing, but it did give Eli an idea.  Maybe Thrawn’s presentation shouldn’t be perfect.

* * *

Eli sat down shakily.  He made it. The kriffing migration patterns presentation was over.  The rest of the class tittered as his professor said something that he missed in the rush of adrenaline, and then Thrawn was moving up to the front of the room.  Curse his fear of public speaking. He needs to get it together so he doesn’t miss anything else.

Thrawn was loading his holo-slides and displaying it on the front of the classroom.  Eli scowled. Thrawn had given the presentation to him last night. Twice. Right after pressuring him into also practicing his speech.  It took him  _four_ tries before he could get through it without karking it up.  He was  _not_ going to thank him. 

Eli waited until Thrawn had moved to his second slide.  He had a good deal of time. He had 15 of the kriffing things.  Carefully, he aimed the small device at holo and pressed the button briefly, making sure that he was angled so that neither the professor nor Thrawn could see what was in his hand.  

Thrawn paused for a painful second and his eyes flicked to the side before refocusing on the room.  Eli was careful to not change expression. This was going to be fun.

Eli did a couple of clicks of the device.  In slightly different places but still on the holo. Thrawn paused for a half-second.  Eyes flicking from the display to the professor.

He waited until the fourth slide before carefully aiming the device at the edge of the display and outlining the holo. Thrawn didn’t pause this time but he couldn’t seem to stop his eyes from following the line he drew on the wall.  Eli could see the brief furrowing of his brow before it smoothed out as Thrawn realized that no one else could see the spot.

Eli smiled, it had taken a bit of strategic flirting to figure out just how sensitive Thrawn’s eyes were without being caught. Luckily, he had managed to get a heated laser-pointer just within the range.  Apparently they were used to train workers before allowing them to use more powerful lasers in gem cutting.  The small device was equipped with both a light and heat laser that can be used together or separately. He had used the light option to practice until he was reasonably confident of his aim, but now just the heat option was enabled.

He continued to outline items or words that were displayed. Occasionally taking a break.  No matter what he did, Thrawn couldn’t seem to stop following it with his eyes.

Thrawn casually shifted position, casually enough that Eli barely remembered to move the laser pointer out of his line of vision.  Thrawn pointed looked at Eli and Eli smirked back. Only to resume outlining the graphs so carefully rendered to be the precise quality needed for the size of the presentation.  Thrawn almost twitched towards the display only to stiffen. By the end, he was standing stiffly upright and resolutely finishing his speech mechanically. Eli was sure that no one else could hear a difference, but he could tell that Thrawn’s speech patterns weren’t quite as smooth as usual. Eli carefully stowed the device away as the presentation wrapped up.  

* * *

Thrawn was stiffly removing his tunic.  Eli couldn’t help watch, appreciating his roommate’s habit of sleeping mostly naked.  Thrawn had not addressed the earlier prank, Eli wondered why as he pulled the laser pointer out of his pocket before flopping into his bunk.  “Were you attempting to ruin my presentation on Kashyyyk predatory hunting patterns and the parallels to aerial combat?” Thrawn asked.

“Naw, I knew you could handle it”, Eli drawled as he played with the laser pointer on the side of the bunk.  Eli felt his eyes go wide as Thrawn almost pounced on the spot before pinning Eli to the bed.  “I take it was a bit more distracting than you let on,” Eli breathlessly said as Thrawn’s eyes seemed to drill through him.  

“Indeed,” Thrawn purred, “I admit, this was quite a clever prank.  I will have to consider carefully how to retaliate.”

Eli felt a twinge at the thought of how he might have just accidentally escalated the situation by pulling the prank in public before Thrawn thoroughly distracted him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This all came from a conversation with TessAlyn about how Thrawn was kinda catlike. Then I just kept messing with it till I was happy.


	13. Turn it Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thrawn keeps turning the climate down and Eli wakes up from the cold in the middle of the night. Maybe a prank can also be revenge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to TessAlyn for beta reading, helping edit and naming the chapter.
> 
> Timing is after Chapter 2 but before Chapter 12.

Elli woke up shivering.  Kriff! His roommate had turned the heat down again. He glanced down in irritation towards Thrawn in the bottom bunk and flopped over, pulling his blanket tighter around him.  And opened his eyes in disbelief, sticking his head over the side of the bunk. Thrawn’s blanket was on the floor. What. The. Kriff. Eli scowled as he got up and put his uniform on.  He went to get back in bed, hesitated for a second and then grabbed the discarded blanket. Every time he turned the temperature back to a normal setting, Thrawn turned it back down to 10 standard degrees.  Eli huddled under the pile of blankets wondering if it were on purpose. Naw, he had been much too pleased at the last successful prank. It was Eli’s turn. Though that did give him an idea . . . 

* * *

Eli hurried down the hall.  If he walked fast, it would give him almost a full standard hour to put his latest idea in place.  And he was going to need time for it. Trying to find time alone in their room was challenging. Thankfully, Thrawn had a knack for ticking people off and a professor decided to assign him an extra hour of lab work.  Mind knowing Thrawn, he would be done in twenty minutes, but the professor seemed determined to keep him there. Still better hurry. 

The door whooshed shut behind as he grabbed his supplies from his drawers. Then he locked the door and got to work.   Carefully prying the temperature control from the wall, he added his new routing device that would allow him to control the temperature from his datapad, while freezing the current display in place.  Thankfully, it didn’t show a timestamp or this wouldn’t have worked. Carefully replacing it, he then hurried over and carefully wiped away any smudges. He glanced at his chrono and smiled. Good, he still had time.  He quickly put the all the tools away with the exception of one spanner and moved to the spare chair Thrawn used for his feet when sleeping. Carefully loosening the bolts holding the chair, Eli just left it able to stand on its own but loose enough that significant pressure would make it collapse.  He went to put the spanner with the other tools and reconsidered. No, in his desk was a better place if he was trying to throw Thrawn off. Maybe he would get lucky and get him twice, he grinned as he hid the tool in the back of the drawer. After a final survey, he unlocked the door. And sat down to do his assignments for the night. 

Just in time as Thrawn walked in.  “Got out 20 minutes early I see. I didn’t think she was gonna let you go until evening meal,” Eli said as nonchalantly as he could.  Thrawn’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Eli. 

“Yes, apparently another cadet had questions and she decided that I could not help him.  Though I am not sure why, the answer I gave was more than clear,” Thrawn said as he scanned the room, brow furrowing.  He hummed softly as he walked over to their bunk. “I see you requisitioned more blankets.”

“Yeah, I am tired of you turning the temperature down,” Eli grumbled in reply.  

Thrawn raised an eyebrow at  Eli, “It is a perfectly comfortable temperature.”

Eli took a deep breath to argue, but then thought better of it and went back to his work.  Thrawn clearly didn’t understand and soon it wouldn’t matter. 

“Hhmm,” Thrawn looked at the bed for a little longer then walked over to his spare chair. “Rather small prank with 42 standard minutes alone,” he observed, picking up the chair, which promptly collapsed in his hand.

Eli slapped his stylus down as he groaned, “What gave it away?” 

Thrawn smirked, “It was 7 millimeters askew from when I left it this morning.  You will have to be more careful, Cadet Vanto.”

“Right.” Eli sighed as he pulled the spanner out of his desk drawer. “Well, go on, I’ll fix it.” Mindful not to smile until Thrawn entered the refresher, he said, “I’ll do better next time.”  

* * *

Eli decided to take Thrawn’s advice. The next day while Thawn was in the ‘fresher getting ready, he carefully turned the temperature up one standard degree.  

Three days in, Thrawn commented that Eli wasn’t using as many blankets.  “Guess you were right, and I’m getting used to it,” Eli said as bitterly as he could manage.  _ Less blankets?! You mean I am not wearing my uniform to bed anymore! _

Six days later and Eli was finally close to comfortable and Thrawn was starting to look, well, a bit warm.  He had checked the temperature control no less than three times that evening. 16 degrees is still a little cool. Eli smiled as he made graphs for an assignment, why stop there? 

Ten days in, Thrawn was visibly sweating.  _  He really does like it cold to be sweating at 20 degrees _ , Eli thought, watching Thrawn loosen his collar. 

Finally thirteen days in, Thrawn had given up and had taken his tunic off as he did his homework.  Which was way more distracting than Eli thought it would be. Anyways, the temp was just tolerable for him at 23 degrees so he left it there for a few days longer.  

Eli was lounging in bed, attempting to do an assignment, but he kept getting distracted by Thrawn fiddling with some mechanical box at his desk.  What he didn’t understand was why he was enjoying this prank so much. It was nice to outwit Thrawn, he never figured he would be able to get away with it for this long. 15 days!  But Thrawn without a shirt shouldn’t be this satisfying. 

In the middle of his musing, Thrawn stood up, walked over to the climate controls, and held his box up to the wall.   _ Uh oh _ . Thrawn slowly turned and looked at him.   _ How can a look make you feel like a meat skewer? _ Eli wondered as he gulped. 

“Clever,” Thrawn said.  “I take it that you have an alternate control?”

“Yeah,” Eli pulled out his datapad, “I diverted the control to my ‘pad.”

“Ah,” Thrawn nodded as he took the pad, “and overrode the display so it would not update.” His eyes narrowed, “The chair was a diversion.”

“Yeah,” Eli said sheepishly, “I thought it’d be suspicious to have all that time and  _ not  _ try something.” 

“Yes, an excellent prank,” Thrawn mused, “However, it stems from an actual grievance, I think?”

Eli’s shoulders slumped.  He rubbed the back of his head as he admitted, “Yeah, it was too cold for me.”

Thrawn frowned thoughtfully as he adjusted the pad’s setting, “Perhaps a compromise then?  Half-way between the two?” He raised an eyebrow as he offered the datapad back to Eli.

“Yeah, that’s chilly but doable,” Eli said with relief as the climate control kicked on. He would have to buy warmer night clothes but he could live with that.  

Satisfied Thrawn went back to his work at his desk, and a few minutes later, he pulled his uniform back on. To his surprise, Eli felt disappointed.  Wait why was he disappointed? It was a good result for him! The only reason to be disappointed is if he  _ wanted  _ Thrawn to parade around naked, Eli thought flushing.  

Oh,  _ kriff _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So standard air conditioning units are set to 73F/23C but with those uniforms I figured that 68F/20C is likely more comfortable for Eli. So I figured that 50F/10C might be what Thrawn is setting temp to. Half way between brings them to 60-63F/15.6-17C. 60F is a little chilly in the winter but also I frequently do so at least at night. Sadly, I cannot afford that much cooling in the summer. 
> 
> Based on Wookieepedia, standard temperature in Star Wars is similar to celcius and measured in degrees. So I used the following. Enjoy fellow Americans! Raising the temperature by 1 degree in Celsius is similar to raising the temperature by 2 degrees in fahrenheit. https://www.sopexamples.com/fahrenheit-to-celsius-chart/


	14. Routines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place shortly before the beginning of Chapter 13. Thrawn and Eli are about halfway through their time at the Academy.

Thrawn sat quietly in the dark room, on his bunk with his legs crossed, contemplating strategy and the nature of warfare while listening with half an ear to the soft snuffling noises Eli Vanto made in his sleep. Hands steepled in front of him, Thrawn tapped the tips of his fingers together absentmindedly as he considered what his next step should be in their ongoing battle of wits.

Eli had proven himself a worthy adversary thus far, quick to notice even small slip-ups, as he had with Thrawn’s very first attempt at revenge for the… hair incident. Thrawn’s most recent plan had similarly failed, and he thought he had perhaps tried to be _too_ elaborate with that one. Eli was far too watchful for the faintest hint of a prank as their war waged quietly on, and while spending so much of their time together was turning out to be pleasant for reasons that Thrawn had decided not to look too closely at for the moment, it made it very difficult to keep secret any kind of prank-related activities.

One possible course of action was simply to outwait him. No one could stay alert forever, and eventually Eli’s guard would drop. But… though patience normally came easily to Thrawn, and though that approach might well turn out to be appropriate at a later date, he found the thought unappealing at this stage. Thrawn was relishing the unexpected challenge far too much. He was also enjoying how their friendship was growing; seeming to strengthen, to deepen a little further with every exchange, whether successful or not; and he was disinclined to put that development on hold even for the sake of increasing his chances of success.

No, what was needed now was a change in tactics. Eli was expecting subtlety, was watching out for any changes to Thrawn’s normal behaviour that signaled something out of the ordinary was afoot. So, Thrawn would simply have to do something sudden and unpredictable. Something that would not necessitate any change in his behaviour or routines and therefore not tip Eli off.

And what better way to do that than by using Cadet Vanto’s own routines against him.

Thrawn smiled into the darkness.

Like anyone else, Eli had habits. Habits were patterns, and patterns could always be exploited. All Thrawn had to do was watch and wait.

 

* * *

 

Five days later, Thrawn had a plan.

He had already noticed that Eli’s morning routine never varied, not even on the days he was rushed. Thrawn had spent the week surreptitiously watching his roommate’s actions every morning, and Eli followed the same base pattern every day without fail.

First, he muttered something bleary and largely incoherent in response to Thrawn’s polite morning greeting.

Then Eli disappeared into the refresher with an armload of clean clothes to get ready and dress.

Next, he came back out and pocketed his datapad.

And his final preparations before they departed were always putting on first his boots, and then his uniform gloves.

Not only were the gloves always very last, Thrawn had noted with interest that Eli always, _always_ put them on in the same order. Left glove first; right glove second.

Thrawn just needed to do a little bit of research, and he would be ready to act.

 

* * *

 

Thrawn was looking over some notes on his datapad in preparation for the morning’s lecture when Eli emerged from the refresher.

“You’re not reviewing for class today _again?”_ Eli asked with a yawn, grabbing his datapad and slipping it into his pocket. “I thought you already did that last night.”

Thrawn shrugged as he looked up. “I like to be prepared.”

Eli shook his head with a bemused expression on his face as he started pulling his boots on. “Y’know, there’s such a thing as being _too_ prepared.”

“That does not make sense,” Thrawn objected. “How can it be possible to be ‘too’ prepared? Any task can have only a minimum level of preparation necessary for its successful completion, not a maximum.”

Eli yawned again, not looking at Thrawn as he opened his drawer. “Jeez, I dunno… It’s just sort of an expression, like wh- Gak!”

The last came out as a yelp, a look of mingled shock, confusion, and disgust crossing Eli’s face. Thrawn quivered slightly where he sat on his bunk, stifling a laugh and forcing his expression to stay blank as Eli yanked off the glove he had just tugged on, his right hand re-emerging thoroughly coated in the thick, goopy skin lotion Thrawn had very liberally applied to the inside of Eli’s glove while he was in the refresher.

“Oh, real mature,” Eli huffed at Thrawn, rolling his eyes as he headed back into the refresher, tugging his left glove off with his teeth.

From his vantage point, Thrawn could just see Eli reaching to turn on the water with his left hand.

“What the -” Eli swore, and Thrawn shook quietly with suppressed laughter as Eli’s hand slipped right off the old-fashioned manual tap that controlled the water of their washbasin.

The old-fashioned manual tap that was a little annoyingly stiff to turn even when one’s hand was not coated in the oil that Thrawn had applied, much less liberally, to the inside of Eli’s _left_ glove.

Thrawn had done first some quiet research and then a lot of testing on himself before he was satisfied he had found the best oil for the prank, and now had a large collection of very small bottles hidden down the side of his mattress. The oil had to be nontoxic, obviously, and non-staining; needed to have a light and soft enough feel on skin that Eli would not notice it when he first pulled his glove on, while still being slippery enough in relatively small amounts to make the tap difficult, if not impossible to turn once he had removed the glove again to wash his hands. Thrawn hoped Eli would never think to ask what exactly he had used, given the originally-intended purpose of the oil he had decided on in the end.

“Do you require assistance, Cadet Vanto?” he asked, unable to keep the smug undertone from his voice. It was working even better than he had hoped.

“No, I’m just - ugh - kriffing _fine,_ thanks.”

After much cursing under his breath and a few interesting bodily contortions while he tried awkwardly, and ultimately unsuccessfully, to turn the water on using his elbows, Thrawn saw Eli finally manage to get the tap running using both hands at once.

“We are going to be late if we do not hurry,” Thrawn said, hopping off his bunk as Eli, having gotten his hands washed at last, started wiping up all the hand lotion and oil he had smeared everywhere in his attempts to turn on the tap. “Perhaps you should start waking up earlier if it takes you so long to get ready in the morning.”

Eli scowled at Thrawn as he left the refresher once more, but Thrawn could see the amusement twitching at Eli’s lips and he gave up trying to hide his own grin.

“You think you’re pretty funny, don’t you?” Eli asked, tossing both gloves in the laundry and getting out his second pair. He peered inside them both suspiciously, going so far as to give them each a sniff before finally putting them on.

“I do,” Thrawn answered, still smirking as they finally hurried out the door to start their day.

 


	15. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thrawn notices Eli's glance and wonders if there is a way to return the prank and gather more information.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by badgerandk
> 
> Thanks to chaos_monkey for the beta. 
> 
> This is a direct sequel to Chapter 13: Turn it up?

Thrawn was relieved that the situation had worked out so smoothly.  He had come to appreciate Cadet Vanto’s help and did not wish for something as mundane as the temperature to mar their continuing alliance.  It didn’t take long for the climate control to bring the temperature down to a more comfortable level. He did not wish to make Eli uncomfortable so Thrawn put his uniform on as soon as it was tolerable to do so.  

_ Odd.  His shoulders slump slightly and he lets out a small puff of air.   _ Thrawn looked at Eli in the reflection of his datapad.   _ His face briefly twists into a scowl, before going slack.  The heat in his face greatly increases.  _ Thrawn thoughtfully went back to his remaining class work, it had been challenging to focus this past week with the heat, and he had a lot to do.  However, once he had caught up, this new development would require further study.    
  


A few days later, Thrawn was lounging on top of the bedcover ready for bed.  With the temperature set higher than his ideal, it was only logical that he cease wearing clothing to bed and instead make do with only the essentials.  That it also allowed him to test his current theory simplified things greatly. He submitted his order with a local art supply shop for the items he would need on his datapad as he waited for his turn in the refresher.  The items he needed had been slightly challenging to get ahold of but Eli’s latest prank deserved a retribution of a more sophisticated level than he currently had the tools for. 

Thrawn looked up as Eli entered the room, “Are you done with your nightly rituals?”   _ He jumps slightly and heat rises in his cheeks.   _

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Eli gestures towards the ‘fresher looking down and away, “all yours.”  

Thrawn waited until Eli had climbed into the top bunk and then rose, languidly stretching his full length up.  He entered the fresher and turned to look at Eli before closing the door.  _ Heat had increased to his face but also elsewhere.   _ Thrawn smiled.  

* * *

Three days later, the supplies had finally arrived.  The timing of the plan must be done just so, or his opponent would not be positioned correctly for the final payout.  There was a quiz that day and Thrawn finished quickly and returned to their quarters. The setup took less than 5 minutes and main part took just under 7 minutes to install.  That should leave just enough time to finish the most vital, and artistic, part. He was slightly concerned about it as he was used to analysing art as opposed to creating it, however, he had carefully prepared for it and was certain that he could do an adequate job.  Thrawn frowned briefly, art should not be merely ‘adequate’. Getting done just within an acceptable time frame, he quickly showered and removed the evidence before meeting Eli at their next class. 

* * *

 

Eli climbed up the bunk and paused at the top. “What,” Eli trailed off in confusion, “Is that a  _ tarp?!”   _  He looked down at his neatly wrapped bunk.  Completely encased in a standard olive imperial tarp, his bed looked like it had been spat out of a bale wrapper back on Lysatra.  He blinked a bit and reached out and prodded the mattress, starting to laugh as it crinkled under his touch. Eli tried to pull off the tarp but it was tucked quite firmly.  Finally wrestling it off, still laughing, he looked at Thrawn who was sitting on his bed looking quite pleased with himself. “Little juvenile for you don’t ya think?” he laughed.

Thrawn raised an eyebrow, “My research of human pranks showed a fondness for wrapping beds.  I did not have  _ Ch'itt'teehe'ah vuzsah _ , shrink wrap, or the needed heat element to attach it so used a tarp instead.  Was I mistaken?”

“No, that is a normal human prank,” Eli snorted, “but we typically use plasti-film not a tarp.  And usually the participants are younger than either of us as well.” 

Thrawn nodded thoughtfully, “I will make sure to consider age during future research.”

Eli crawled into bed continuing to laugh every once in awhile. 

Thrawn smiled.  Setup went quite well indeed.  

* * *

Eli moaned as he fought to stay asleep.  No good, he needed to use the ‘fresher.  _ The red glow from Thrawn’s eyes seems unusually bright tonight,  _ he thought as he flopped onto his back. 

And shrieked into the bright red glowing eyes looking straight down at him.  Jerking upright and backing away, his heart pounding, “Thrawn, what are you. . . “ Eli began fumbling before losing his balance, tumbling out of bed.

**_Thump_ ** ! He managed to catch the edge of the bed just enough that he landed butt first, not head first.  He blinked at Thrawn eyeing him from his spot in the bottom bunk, heart in mouth.  _ Wait, bottom bunk?!  _ Eli looked up and then down.  There were  _ two _ sets of eyes!  Though now he was farther away, the set up above his bunk didn’t quite look right.  Too big and they weren’t quite the same shape as Thrawn’s eyes. Perfect color match though.  Breathing hard, he stared wide eyed at one set than the other. 

Slowly, half of the glowing light blinked out for a moment and then rose, crossing the room.  As the lights toggled on, Eli pointed one shaky finger at Thrawn by the lightswitch and then at the ceiling where the original set of red glowing eyes were already beginning to dim.  “How did you manage that?! How did it not get everywhere?” 

Thrawn nodded, “I wrapped your bunk so the paint would not damage it.  That part of the prank was purely pragmatic. It was simple enough to finish disposing the tarp after you retired.” 

“So the glow would be contained to the ceiling,” Eli said, calming as he followed the logic. “It isn’t glow-in-the-dark paint or it would have glowed immediately.  So is it some type of bioluminescent fungus?” 

“Close,” Thrawn replied, pleased with his deduction, “it is a bioluminescent paint made from flora from Umbara.  It activates after several hours in complete darkness.”

Eli shook his head as he got up to use the ‘fresher, “Well, that one certainly was pretty decent.”  Quickly finishing his business, he went back to bed, muttering about needing to clean up the creepy eyes tomorrow.

Thrawn lay in his bunk on his side, resting his feet on the chair placed next to the bunk.  Eli usually needed to use the refresher between 0200 and 0230 and it was now 0247. He smirked as he went back to his reading.  He had already noticed that Eli’s morning routine never varied, not even on the days he was rushed. Thrawn smiled at the memory of the last time he took advantage of this.  However, as he had continued to watch, curious that Eli was always on time, even when he slept in, Thrawn realized there was one thing he would change. If he was in rush he would use the sonic shower, but Eli greatly preferred the luxury of a water shower.  This disturbance should ensure that Eli slept in just enough to allow for the final, and true, prank. 

* * *

Sure enough, Eli was slightly late in getting out of bed and into the refresher the next morning.  Thrawn sat reviewing his datapad as he usually did. 

“THRAWN!” Eli shouted. He burst out of the refresher unusually unclothed.  

Thrawn looked up and couldn’t withhold the huff of laughter at the sight.

Eli was a bright, bold cerulean blue.  The coverage was patchy, mostly concentrated on his head, face and upper body.  

Thrawn smirked, “I was not aware you wished to emulate the Chiss.”

“You! Argh, no,” Eli made strangled noises as he attempted to speak, “kriff how do I get this off?! What is it?”

“It is a compound that reacts to the ultrasonic vibrations used to apply paint to ships in space.  Oddly non-toxic and thus useful in this instance,” Thrawn said.

Eli just stared at Thrawn.   _ Eli’s brow is furrowed and face has a greater amount of heat than normal. His hands are clenched and knuckles are white.  However, the additional heat is clearly only on his face.  _ Thrawn continued, “It is easily removed with standard soap and water.”

“ _ Oddly _ non-toxic?” Eli said as he looked down at himself giving off an abrupt laugh, blushing a little as he realized his state of undress.  He quickly retreated back into the refresher. “I am going to miss breakfast,” he grumbled.

Thrawn stared at the door.  Clearly he had misread the signs.  Which was fine. Cadet Vanto was a capable ally and potential friend.  There was no need for anything more. 

He carefully placed the nutrition pack on Eli’s datapad where he would be sure to see it before slipping off to the cafeteria for breakfast.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch'itt'teehe'ah vuzsah - Shrink wrap


	16. Faro (almost!) Figures It Out!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After lots of hard work, Faro draws some hard conclusions.
> 
> This returns us to the “current day” timeline, and is a direct follow up to chapter 11!

Karyn Faro liked to think she was good at her job.

She had a long record of service, the respect of her peers, and was the First Officer serving under the best commander in the Navy. Yes, she knew she could be a bit… brash, at times, but as the saying went, it wasn’t brash if you succeeded. She was a doer, a mover and shaker, a competent officer deserving of her position.

But for the first time in her life, she had no idea what to do now.

Faro sighed heavily and leaned back from the desk in her quarters, running a hand through her loose brown hair. Her cup of caf had gone cold as she went through her notes again and again, looking for some clue that would help her discover the identity of the mysterious prankster than was hiding on the _Chimaera_.

The glitter bomb. While fairly benign, it had inconvenienced her and the rest of the crew tasked with examining it. It had disrupted the order so carefully crafted by Commodore Thrawn, and while probably not intentional, the glitter had gotten into the air-scrubbers, and various meeting rooms on that level had been sporadically doused with the stuff for days afterwards.

Thrawn had tasked her with getting to the bottom of this mess, to restore order to his ship, and she had nothing to show for it.

She sighed again. It was nearly 0100, and Thrawn wanted a report by morning. What could she tell him? That she had failed? That despite searching every record she could get a hold of, that despite questioning troopers, officers, and techs alike, she had nothing to show for it?

She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, willing her tired mind to see something. Something she missed.

“What would Thrawn do…” she muttered to herself. The Commander had a way of figuring things out simply by examining the situation in his mind. He would take the information he had, and look for patterns and connections, as he was fond of saying. Devote a moment to quiet contemplation, and come up with a solution. Step back, examine what he knew, and discover the answer.

It was worth a shot.

She relaxed in her desk chair, stretching out her legs and crossing her slippered feet. What did she know about the prank? _Start with the basics..._

It had first appeared to be an innocuous toolbox. It had been brought aboard the ship, as per regulations for possible unknown alien artifacts. Then it had exploded.

_No, not quite_ , she thought to herself. It had _opened_ , with the pressurized contents expanding outwards.

Faro frowned, a stray thought tugging at her. _Like Thrawn’s art-tooka, down in supply…_

Faro’s eyes snapped open. That was certainly a _pattern_ \- a box of pressurized contents opening unexpectedly, causing havoc. But was it a _connection_?

She leaned forward and grabbed her datapad, bringing up the _Chimaera’s_ requisition records. Yes, there was Thrawn’s order for the tooka.

The memory of Vanto sprinting past her in the hall last week jumped to mind, Thrawn following at a leisurely pace. Thrawn had seemed off to her at the time… distracted. But not disturbed or concerned, despite Vanto’s obvious distress. Vanto couldn’t have known exactly what the problem was - Faro was scheduled to give her report to Thrawn at 1200, and she was always prompt. She scanned the comm records relating to the incident, confirming her suspicion. She saw that Lyste’s call to Vanto came at 11.59.32. Not enough time for Lyste to fully explain, or for Vanto to relay the information to Thrawn. No, Vanto had no idea what was wrong, and was worried something truly disastrous had happened down in Supply. But Thrawn was unconcerned…

Which meant Thrawn knew exactly what had happened. Because Thrawn had planned it.

Faro leaned back in her chair again, stunned. Why would Thrawn do that? _Patterns and connections…_

She racked her brain again, chewing a nail and thinking about the tooka. Vanto had been the one to deal with that mess. And who had been present during the examination of the toolbox? She, Hammerly, Thrawn… And Vanto.

She shot forward in her chair, grabbing her datapad again, this time pulling up her notes on the discovery of the toolbox. She had transcribed her comm conversation with Thrawn, when she and Vanto had called asking what to do about the discovery.

_Thrawn: “Curious. Who discovered the toolbox?”_

_Faro: “I did, sir.”_

Thrawn asked who had discovered it. Why would that be important? Both she and Vanto were capable officers, and if the box was truly some random alien relic, it wouldn’t matter who found it. Unless… Thrawn had _intended_ for a specific person to find it. That person being Vanto.

Thrawn had deduced that going to Bakura in the first place was pointless. That the smuggler activity was long gone, and that they would find nothing there. Yet he still went ahead with the mission. Why?

Faro grinned triumphantly. _Patterns and connections._  Thrawn saw it as an opportunity to prank Vanto. One too good to pass up.

Thrawn was from the Unknown Regions. Vanto was from Wild Space. They would both know Bogolan script. Here was a leisurely mission to an Outer Rim world. They wouldn’t be expected for serious duty until they had wrapped up there, and it was the perfect chance to act without truly causing too big a disruption to their duties. Plus, Vanto and Thrawn were friends, and had served together for Thrawn’s entire Navy career. It was no surprise they had little rivalries like this - it probably helped keep them sane.

But how did Thrawn get the toolbox on-planet? Faro mentally shrugged. Major Ayers and tech-trooper Sawyer had entered the hut ahead of she and Vanto. Yes, both of them had claimed innocence regarding the toolbox, but Thrawn outranked her - if he had ordered one of them to place the box and not speak of it, they were officially allowed to lie to her during her investigation.

She thought back to the meeting room where they had examined the toolbox. Thrawn had asked her to key the lights, but Vanto had unexpectedly risen to do so. Thrawn was the only one touching the toolbox at that moment. It was likely that he had used the moment to trigger the device, the bit of conversation a distraction, and Vanto had simply been lucky enough to avoid the full blast.

And of course Thrawn would allow himself to be caught in the crossfire - that had been part of the plan, to draw suspicion away from himself.

It was ingenious.

And Faro had figured it out.

She grinned again, feeling a combination of relief and pride at her discovery. Thrawn, the master tactician he was, had been caught. The Commander of a Star Destroyer, an almost-legend among the Navy, had been outwitted.

Clearly, he had tasked Faro with this search as a test for her. He was fond of such things, always trying to get his officers to expand their minds, stretch their abilities. And she had succeeded.

She dove back into her datapad, pulling up a fresh report document, but as she began to type out her findings, she paused.

As of right now, she was the only person on the ship who knew the truth behind the mythos of the prankster. Everyone had heard about the prank, and it was quickly ascending to the rank of legend among the crew. She had been fielding questions and friendly barbs about glitter for weeks, constantly reminded of the ridiculous incident… And she was still finding specks of the stuff in her quarters, or in the nooks of the uniform she had been wearing, or in her cap.

Before she released her findings... A little revenge might be in order.

Faro ran a hand through her tousled hair again, thinking hard. She was short on time - Thrawn wanted the report at 0800. Which meant she had to figure out something to do now.

She rose, grabbing her mug of now-frigid caf and padded to the small kitchenette in her quarters. What sort of prank would be fitting? Nothing too serious, of course. No exploding toolboxes or trooper-crushing tookas, nothing of that scale. Something small, simple.

As she rummaged in her cabinet for a fresh caf-filter, something caught her eye. The small roll of plasti-film she kept on hand for wrapping up unfinished food. 

She pulled the roll down, fingering its slightly tacky surface. Yes… It was a classic. Simple, easy to do, and timid enough to not get her in too much trouble, she hoped.

Grinning to herself again, Faro set the roll down on her table, then went back to her desk. She pulled out a roll of adhesive and her shears, and set them aside with the plasti-film. She glanced at her chrono, feeling her tired eyes ache a bit as she did so. Thrawn wanted the report at 0800, which meant he would go down to the mess for breakfast at 0700. Timing would be tricky… She needed to avoid being seen by the night-shift crew, but had to have her prank in place well before Thrawn rose, lest he hear her at his door.

There was generally a lull in activity leading up to 0600, as the night-shift crew checked in with their duty stations before clocking out.

She set her alarm for 0525 and crawled into bed, allowing herself one final grin as she imagined her revenge.

 

\---

 

Whether it was the excitement of breaking the rules, or if her body was treating her few precious hours of slumber as a nap instead of a regular sleep cycle, Faro didn’t know. But she was wide awake as she quietly padded through the _Chimaera’s_ corridors, foregoing boots and uniform for socks and sleepwear, which unlike her uniform, wasn’t starched and made much less sound as she stalked towards Thrawn’s door.

His quarters were around the corner from hers, and she paused at the intersection, listening closely for signs of approaching crew. But she heard nothing, and so continued her stealthy trek, glancing to and fro, ears pricked.

She made it to his door unaccosted, and got to work.

As she carefully strung sheets of nearly-invisible plasti-film back and forth across the doorway, using her adhesive to tack it to the sides of the frame, she reconsidered her dismissed idea of setting up a cam to catch Thrawn’s reaction to the prank. It was taking less time to mount the film than she anticipated, and she was tempted to hurry back to her quarters to grab her recorder and set it up… But that might be too ambitious. Better to not press her luck - Thrawn would come to her about the prank, after all, and seeing his reaction when she told him it was _her_ who did it would be satisfying enough… At least, she hoped it would be.

It was because she was so focused on whether or not to run back for her cam that she missed the soft sound of footsteps approaching on the other side of Thrawn’s door.

Faro was just about to cut the last length of film from the roll, tiptoeing to the side of the door as she held it up near the top of the frame, when the door _whooshed_ open and Thrawn walked straight into the plasti-film.

Except it _wasn’t_ Thrawn.

Both Faro and not-Thrawn let out startled cries of surprise, not-Thrawn flailing and clutching at the film as they tumbled backwards into the dark quarters, becoming completely entangled in the stuff. Faro jumped away and lost her grip on the roll of film as it was tugged away from her, its trailing edge getting wrapped up in the mess of whoever had walked through Thrawn’s door and rolling away from her deeper into Thrawn’s quarters.

“Eli?” Thrawn’s concerned voice came from the darkness behind the door, and he appeared in the light of the doorway, shirtless and in sleep pants as he picked up a grumbling Vanto up from the ground.

They both turned at Faro’s startled gasp, and for a moment, all three seemed glued in place, shock written into Eli and Faro’s features, and bemusement gracing Thrawn’s.

“... So this wasn’t you, then.” Eli finally broke the tense silence, gesturing to the plasti-film and looking at Thrawn.

“Indeed not,” Thrawn replied, gazing at Faro thoughtfully. For her part, she remained frozen in place, shock giving way to horror. Thrawn’s bare chest, Vanto’s disheveled hair, the way Thrawn had addressed Vanto, the fact that Vanto was wandering out of Thrawn’s quarters at _0545 in the morning_ \--

“I believe we have discovered the true identity of the prankster,” Thrawn’s voice cut into her runaway train of thought, his light tone a stark contrast to what she felt was a dark situation.

“I-- what?” Faro choked out, processing his words. “I’m not-- You two--!” She sputtered incoherently, too stunned to speak.

“You, Commander? You’re the one behind this?” Vanto said, a look of wild disbelief on his face while Thrawn nodded alongside him. “You did the glitter bomb? This whole time it’s been you?”

“No!” Faro cried. “I’m not-- Are you two-- Are you _sleeping together?_ ” She stuttered, still completely shocked by the whole situation.

“That sounds like you’re trying to distract from the truth, here,” Vanto said accusingly.

“And you have been caught red-handed, Commander.” Thrawn cut in smoothly, glowing eyes glittering.

“Red-handed? What do you mean?” Faro blustered. “ _You’re_ the one distracting from the truth!”

“Are we?” Thrawn said, and for the first time, Faro caught a hint of an edge to his words. “As my aide, there are plenty of reasons Lieutenant Commander Vanto may come to my quarters. He is not breaking any regulations with his presence here this morning, unlike you.”

Faro opened her mouth to retort, then swallowed it as she caught Thrawn’s eye. Thrawn was right - as suspicious as it appeared, accusing Thrawn and Vanto of fraternization when she had just been caught trying to prank her superior officer looked very bad indeed.

They gazed at each other for a moment longer, Eli’s eyes darting back and forth between them. Then, to her relief, Thrawn offered her a tiny smile. “I’m looking forward to your report on the prankster, Commander.” He said, not unkindly.

Faro nodded stiffly, understanding slowly making its way onto her features. “Yes… Yes sir. It will be in your inbox, as ordered.”

“Excellent. Now, I believe this is yours?” Thrawn bent down and scooped up the stray roll of plasti-film from the floor, eyes glittering again.

Faro accepted it mutely, then turned to Vanto. She opened her mouth to apologize for the film still clinging to his wrinkled uniform, but he held up a hand.

“Never, ever, talk about this,” He said, words clipped but with humor in his tone.

“I won’t if you don’t,” Faro muttered, stooping down to retrieve her adhesive roll and shears. “Sorry for… Yeah. See you in a few hours.” She turned on her heel before they could say anything else and hurried back to her quarters, face burning with embarrassment.

 

\---

 

“What’re you chuckling at?” Eli asked grumpily over his plate of breakfast.

Thrawn said nothing, merely extending his datapad out to Eli over the mess-hall table, still chuckling to himself.

Eli grabbed it and found Faro’s report displayed. He looked up at Thrawn and frowned, but Thrawn gestured for him to read it, grinning and shaking his head ruefully.

Eli turned back to it and quickly skimmed it. Then he let out a massive snort.

“Should I come clean to this poor woman?” Eli asked, setting down the datapad and laughing. “Or should we let her continue down the wrong trail?”

“I think I shall provide her with a suitable alibi, at least for the glitter bombing.” Thrawn said. “And we will let her continue her investigation from there. After all, if _she_ is not the prankster, and _I_ am not the prankster, the mystery is still unsolved,” he said, eyes glittering.

“And you do demand results from your crew.” Eli finished the statement for him, then let out another chuckle. “Faro is _really_ not paid enough, sir.”


	17. The Bitch is Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is going to be a very special performance in the Chimaera Lounge. It would be a shame if the guest of honor had to miss it...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This bitch is back, just saw Rocketman, and thusly was feeling inspired. I hope you enjoy this silliness! 
> 
> -JessKo

“Hey, Thrawn, look at this.” Eli called out from across the desk, passing his datapad to Thrawn. The Chiss quickly skimmed the message displayed on the pad. 

 

“Interesting.” He hummed, setting the pad down. 

 

“Interesting? Just interesting? Thrawn, I don’t think you realize what we have here.” Eli tried to explain, exasperated. 

 

“It is just concert tickets, Eli.” 

 

“Just concert tickets!” Eli exclaimed. “Thrawn, this is ELROND HERCULES! Only one of the most successful musicians ever, known from the core to the edges of wild space. I’m from Lysatra and I’ve heard of him!”

 

“I see.” Thrawn’s face and tone remained impassive. 

 

“And we’ve been invited to a private performance in the officer’s lounge ON OUR SHIP! I can’t believe this!” Eli flopped back in his chair with stars in his eyes. “We are about to become the envy of the Empire. Who even booked this?” 

 

A thin grin quickly painted Thrawn’s lips. “I study art in all of its forms. I expressed that a close study of popular music could prove beneficial for my work.” 

 

Eli shot up then, mouth agape. “Stars, Thrawn.” 

 

“So you are a fan of Sir Hercules.” 

 

“Maybe a little bit.” Eli winked. “Guess I ought to lower the volume when I work out.”

 

“No need, I enjoy his music as well. Faro may not appreciate is, however. Her own taste are a bit more… Intense.” 

 

“You know, she never struck me as a Wookie Metal fan, but here we are.” Eli laughed, remembering the first time he stumbled on the Commodore blasting her music, the grunts and aggressive string instrumentation shocking him nearly out of his shorts. 

 

Thrawn subtly shrugged. “I suppose that it is a date, then.” He added with a glint in his eye. Eli returned a pleased grin, setting his hand atop Thrawn’s own. 

 

“I guess it is, huh.” 

 

The next few cycles passed slowly, feeling like an eternity to Eli. He still could not believe that, soon, Elrond Hercules would be playing the Chimaera lounge. Visiting the room the day before, humming one of his favorite songs to himself, Eli was horrified by the plainness of the space. 

 

Turning to the staff, Eli asked if there were plans to decorate, spruce things up a bit for the performance. 

 

“The Grand Admiral has arrangements made.” Was all the service droid replied, and Eli could swear there was a touch of sarcasm to the metallic monotone. 

 

Leaving the lounge after a wistful glance at the draping curtains of the stage, Eli left for his quarters, ready for another restless night as he awaited what was to come. 

 

The next day, Eli was frustrated with Thrawn’s nonchalance. “At least act excited!” He commented after their shift. “I’m having an existential crisis over here trying to pick what to wear and you are just… Staying in your uniform.” 

 

Sighing, Eli laid out the two tunics he had whittled his albeit meager selection down to. 

 

“Formal uniform is appropriate attire for a performance.” Thrawn replied, nodding to the darker of the two tunics- a navy blue piece with shimmering red piping across the breast in a swirling pattern. 

  
Stripping down to change, Eli huffed. “Yeah, maybe to see a rendition of Keldopin, but not this.” Realizing he’d never get through to the Chiss, Eli slipped into the shirt and then dug up the matching pants from his personal effects crate. “You’ll see.” 

 

Arriving at the lounge, however, it was Eli who felt out of place. He had opted to wear garish, large red sunshades, and fisted the glasses within seconds of entering the space. Most everyone invited was dressed similarly to Thrawn, in drab olives and greys that made even the Grand Admiral’s white seem flashy. 

 

“These people don’t know how to have fun…” Eli grumbled as he dragged a stool to the front of the stage. “I feel like a varactyl at a bantha round up.” 

 

“You look lovely, Eli.” Thrawn added softly, just for him to hear, which perked the human up significantly. “Here.” Taking the red glasses from Eli, he slipped them onto his face, earning a soft laugh. 

 

“Looks fabulous.” Eli commented. 

 

“Wait here.” Thrawn then stated, rising from his seat and slipping out of the room. 

 

“Always up to something, hm?” Eli called after him, settling down into the murmurs of the room, awaiting the performance.

 

As the minutes slipped by, Eli had half a mind to chase after Thrawn. “I swear, if he misses the first song…” He was also incredibly curious as to just what the Chiss was doing. 

 

Then, an excited voice boomed over the speakers, an excited hush falling over those assembled. 

 

“Good Evening Chimaera!” The voice cried. “I hope you are ready… For the one and only… ELROND HERCULES!” 

 

A cheer roared from the crowd, and the curtains began to part. Eli’s emotions swirled with excitement and annoyance, but his love of music won and Thrawn was nearly forgotten as the stage was revealed. Sitting before an elegant white piano was none other than Elrond himself, short light hair covered with a glittering officer’s cap. In fact, the musician was dressed much like any other officer save one very important detail. Every inch of fabric was covered in colored gemstones. 

 

Tapping a single key, he flashed a wide grin to the crowd. “I remember... when the Empire was young…” He crooned, the crowd chuckling at the changed lyric. Soon, the roaring chords of Varactyl Rock coursed through the lounge, some officer’s even rising to their feet to dance. 

 

Eli was most definitely among them. But as the crowd all joined in for some rhythmic ‘lalalala’ing, Eli was very aware of the blank space beside him. 

 

Trying to still enjoy himself, Eli danced with the Commander beside him, an older woman who was a bit stiff but enjoyed the attention regardless. As the song ended, Elrond didn’t slip into another song. Rather, he paused, beginning to speak. 

 

“For such a small crowd, you lot have as much energy as a whole stadium!” He joked, prompting another cheer. 

 

“My next song is going to be a little different, alright? I’m sure some of you know it, you look like you’re a fan.” Elrond added, staring right into Eli’s wide eyes through olive tinged glasses. Eli wished he had not let Thrawn filch his own pair of lenses, where was he anyway?

 

“So, I’m going to need all of you to sing along when I point out, alright? I’ve got a surprise that will only come out if that happens just so. Got it?” 

 

After a roaring affirmation from those in attendance, Elrond got right into the next song, fingers slamming down on the keys. 

 

Eli knew what song it was immediately. And when Elrond pointed, he was ready. 

 

“But the fever’s gonna catch you…” Point!

 

“When the bitch gets back!” Eli roared, the woman beside him a few seconds off and mumbling the first words. 

 

“Louder, loves!” Elron jeered. 

 

Starting the verse again, this time the crowd was ready, and Elrond’s smile managed to grow further, his playing becoming even more animated. 

 

At the chorus, a new voice joined in with Elrond’s, shocking the crowd. 

 

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch oh, the bitch is back.” 

 

As a gasp traveled through the room, Elrond continued. “Stone cold sober as a matter of fact!” 

 

Then, from stage left, clutching a microphone, emerged no other than the Grand Admiral himself, standard uniform shed to one that dazzled just like Elrond’s but the olive grey was replaced with Thrawn’s signature white. 

 

Singing together, the two men continued the track, Thrawn slamming an incredibly high heeled boot down on the piano bench. 

 

“I can bitch, I can bitch ‘cause I’m better than you!” 

 

Eli could hardly believe his eyes, Thrawn shooting him a wink through the red glasses. “It’s the way that I move, the things that I do.” 

 

The crowd was an absolute riot now, not a single ass left sitting. As the song rang out, every voice joined together in the final cry of, “The bitch is back!” 

 

As the applause was laid onto the duo, Eli made eye contact with Thrawn and mouthed, ‘So this is what you were waiting to show me?’ 

 

Smug, Thrawn nodded and slid down on the piano bench beside Elrond. The next song, a more somber number, genuinely showcased a surprisingly smooth baritone from Thrawn. Eli swayed along with the crowd, smiling like a fool. 

 

If their circumstances did not require keeping their relationship a secret, Eli had half a mind to scream out. “That’s my boyfriend!” And climb on stage with them. 

 

But, his self control annoyingly present, Eli stayed put, simply mouthing along with the words so he would not miss a second of Thrawn and Elrond’s duet. 

 

“Hoth ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids.” Elrond crooned. “In fact it’s cold as hell.” 

 

Then Thrawn took over, adding another changed lyric that Eli knew was just for him. “And all this language, I don’t understand. It’s just my job five days a week.” 

 

Damn, this man is going to make me cry at a damn Elrond Hercules concert, isn’t he. Eli thought to himself. 

 

At the end of this track, it was Thrawn’s turn to address the crowd. “I understand the saying is that what happens in the lounge, stays in the lounge?” 

 

The crowd assured him that this would be the case, but a quick glance at some of the faces made Eli not so sure. Hell, they would be lucky if this was not already being streamed on the holonet. 

 

Thrawn had better have gotten permission for this, he thought. 

 

“Before my last song…” Thrawn continued, earning an upset cry from the crowd. “I would like to thank you all.” 

 

The next song got right back into the upbeat tone of the show, and Eli could tell Thrawn was struggling to keep up, but the song choice itself is what struck him now. 

 

“Oh pity me, I’m so alone and so blue.” A chuckle arose at this, coming from a Chis it was a touch ironic. 

 

“It was I on my own, with no need to be alone. I wanted to die, that’s when you came along.”

 

Before, Eli had hardly paid this song’s meaning any mind, its quick jazzy clip deceiving for the dark lyrics beneath it. When the chorus hit, Eli was sure to join in, feeling every word. 

 

“Thank you for all your loving… Thank you for being here.” 

 

Not slowing down, the men plowed through to the next verse. Flicking a quick glimpse Eli’s way, Thrawn’s voice quieted subtly, allowing Elrond to take command of the track. But to Eli, he knew that this was Thrawn’s way of speaking just to him. 

 

“My life has started again, and if you go away, it just won’t be the same. It’s hard to say what I feel, when I’m by your side.” 

 

For the final chorus, both men practically roared. 

 

“Thank you for being here!” 

 

Rising to his feet, but not before he could escape a quick hug from Elrond, Thrawn bowed to the loudest applause yet, then strutting to the side of stage. Stopping for a moment to bow again, Thrawn slipped the glasses from his face and tossed them to the crowd, straight into Eli’s hands. 

 

“Good catch.” The woman beside him commented as Eli placed the red frames on the bridge of his nose. “Matches your, uh, outfit too.” 

 

Elrond carrying on with the show, Eli hardly had a moment to collect himself. Had Thrawn really just done that? 

 

In the pause between two songs, Thrawn silently made his way beside Eli, receiving copious amounts of praise on the walk over. 

 

“How did you manage that one?” Eli joked, noting that the Chiss had slipped into a simple white tunic, however he kept on those ridiculous boots. As if he was not already tall enough. The man was like a Coruscant skyscraper. 

 

“I have my ways.” Thrawn responded cryptically, conversation quickly muted by the show. 

 

After the finale, Elrond left the stage and the curtains closed again, officers slowly filing out of the room. Eventually, only Thrawn and Eli remained, seated on a couch and having a drink together. 

 

“So tell me this, Thrawn. Why did you never told me you could sing?” 

 

“You never asked if I could.” 

 

Eli laughed, beside himself. “So I have to ask for everything, huh? Could you sing another song then, just for me?” 

 

“Certainly.” 

 

From behind the closed curtains, a simple chord rang out, sending Eli jolting to his feet. “Who’s there?!” He cried out, Thrawn sinking lower into the couch with a groan. 

 

Ripping back the curtain, Eli found Elrond sitting at the piano, stripped down to just an undershirt and pants. 

 

“What… You... Elrond?” he stammered. 

 

“In the flesh. Just figured I’d serenade the lovebirds.” Elrond joked. 

 

“But… How?” 

 

“How? You two could not make it any more obvious.” 

 

“No one knows!” Eli pleaded, ready to clock Elrond into next week regardless of him being an idol. 

 

“Darling, everyone knows. Frankly, I just don’t think they care.” 

 

Eli just stood there, wordless. Thrawn came up behind him, placing a hand at the small of his back. 

 

Turning to face them, Elrond sighed softly. “Gentlemen, I have a husband and two kids at home. Your secret is safe with me. Judging from tonight, I don’t think you need to fret quite so much about being seen, at least on this ship. This crew is your family.” 

 

Patting the bench beside himself, Elrond gestured for Thrawn to sit beside him. “Pretend I’m just part of the piano.” He joked, tapping out a few keys. 

 

A soft blush suddenly populating Thrawn’s features, Eli planted a delicate kiss to the crown of his head, trying to not be too obvious as he spat out the glitter spray the Chiss was dusted with. 

 

He’d go on to blame glitter in his eyes for the tears, but everyone knew that was krayt spit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Elrond is just space Elton John. Sue me XD. Songs used, in order, are "Crocodile Rock" , "The Bitch is Back" , "Rocket Man" , "Thank You for All Your Loving". 
> 
> I left the last song up to you. But I'd like to imagine that it is "Your Song".


	18. Aging in Pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eli gets Thrawn with a colorful prank but then needs to explain it to visitors. 
> 
> By: JessKo and badgerandk

Setting his datapad aside, Eli could not help but let a small smile spill onto his lips. The purchase was a small one, but he was sure the effect it would have would be most noticeable. It was only fair after Thrawn’s flashy stunt, to follow up with something like this. In the meantime, however, seeing that it would take a little while for their next supply shipment to come, there were more pressing concerns to address. 

“Do you truly believe it has become… Common knowledge?” Thrawn asked from across the room, flipping through something on his datapad with little interest. 

Eli stretched out his back, raising his arms above his head. “Maybe? I’m not sure. Guess we’ll just have to find out.” 

“How do you propose we do that?” The Admiral pressed; his interest piqued. 

Eli knew perfectly well just how they could do it, but if their suspicions were false, it could be rather disastrous. They’d have to start small. 

The ever-steadfast Admiral Thrawn felt a genuine pit of nervousness in his stomach, a sensation he had not encountered since he was a much younger man on his first patrol in the Chiss Expansionary Defense Force. For once glad for the dreadfully stiff uniform gloves covering his sweating palms, he took the hand outstretched to him with a shaking breath. 

Then, hand in hand, Eli lead him down a mostly deserted maintenance hall.  

It was dim, a bit musty, and deserted aside from a few scuttling droids. And it was the most romantic place on the entire ISD Chimaera. 

Reaching the end of the hall, the familiar shuffle of a maintenance worker echoed through the barren hall, and Thrawn’s arms snapped down to his side. Eli tried to shoot him a sympathetic glance. That it was alright. But he would not push the Chiss further, he already looked petrified, and let it go. This was progress. 

Once out of earshot of the worker, Eli patted Thrawn on the back. “That went well. Perhaps next time we can try doing it not on the lowest level.” 

“You want to try this again?” Thrawn was a bit surprised to hear this from his ever-vigilant aide, but the boyish optimism in his gaze answered the question for him. “Very well.” 

Eli spent the next evening plotting out safe routes, little used outer paths and unknown cut-throughs. Thrawn, meanwhile, snacked on some salted crispy things Eli liked to order on the side to calm his nerves. With a Forvish Ale of course. To balance the palette. 

Honestly, Eli felt a bit bad about this unanticipated effect, but pressed on, also knowing this could increase the chances of his relatively simple plans unfolding properly. And just like clockwork, his package arrived in secret on the next supply shipment. 

The small, cylindrical bottle fit just in the palm of his hand, allowing him to spirit it away, undetected, into the refresher. Once there, he opened the lid to Thrawn’s shampoo bottle. Nearly tipping the deceptively colorless contents of his delivery into the bottle, he stopped himself. Thrawn would surely notice if the shampoo suddenly was heavier, so he drained about as much as he would add down the drain, and then finished his task. Replacing the shampoo and flushing the toilet for good measure, he tossed his own bottle down the garbage chute where it would tumble far away and out of sight. 

Now, it was time to sit back and watch. 

Ever operating on clockwork, Thrawn then entered the refresher for his daily shower. Eli no longer fought to contain his excitement, unable to focus on much other than the sound of the water running on the other side of the wall. Anticipation grew as time passed but then the water cut off early. Eli bit his lip; did he miss something that would tip Thrawn off? Carefully blanking his face, he looked at the refresher door as it slid open. 

Only to burst out laughing. 

Keeping a straight face, Thrawn inhaled deeply. “You find this humorous?” 

Eli tried a few times to speak but kept losing it. Finally, he managed to stop long enough to ask, “I thought you were into this sort of thing. You seem to be quite flashy of late, no?” before giving into his laughter again. 

Somewhat exasperated, Thrawn could not stay upset for long seeing the pure joy radiating off of Eli. 

Resigning to more closely inspect the damage, Thrawn turned back around to look at his reflection in the mirror. Sure enough, his eyes had not deceived him. The dark locks of his hair were now streaked with various shades of bright pink. Had he left Eli’s concoction in longer, he was certain even his eyebrows would have turned neon. 

“It looks good.” Eli was finally able to say clearly, wiping a tear from his eye and coming up behind Thrawn.

Not wanting to comment further, Thrawn swiftly changed the subject. “You do realize what is happening tomorrow, yes?”  

“You’re going to have to field a lot of interesting questions, huh?” Eli joked further, catching his breath. 

Thrawn exhaled slowly through his nose. “Admiral Konstantine is coming aboard. For a very important meeting with Grand Moff Tarkin and Lord Vader.” 

Eli’s face paled immediately; smile replaced with horror. “Oh shit.” Scrambling, he picked up his datapad. “I’ll order some dark dye now, see if we can rush it or-” 

Thrawn cut him off, pushing the pad down. “There is no chance for another supply drop before the morning comes. We will just have to endure.” 

“I’ll think of something.” Eli offered, brain already working overtime searching for a good excuse. 

“I know you will.” 

* * *

Leaving Thrawn behind in his office, Eli made his way to the hangar bay where Admiral Konstantine’s shuttle was docked. Waiting at the front of the line of trooper assembled, he greeted the Admiral as he disembarked and offered to guide him to Admiral Thrawn’s office. 

“I know my way around a Star Destroyer, Commander.” Konstantine replied gruffly, passing through the hangar at a clip. 

“Very well, but there is something I believe you should know.” Eli began, adding enough intrigue to his tone to catch the Admiral’s attention. 

“Yes?” 

Eli paused, adding to the importance of his next statement. “Admiral Thrawn, well, Chiss age a bit differently than humans and… Just don’t mention his hair, ok? It’s a bit of a sore topic for him.” 

Running a hand along his chin, Konstantine nodded once, fairly familiar with the trials of physical aging himself. “I understand, thank you for the advance… Warning.” 

Eli considered himself lucky that there was only one superior he would have to feed this story to. The holo-technology used to conduct the meeting would not transmit Thrawn’s likeness in full color, so Tarkin and Vader would be none the wiser to his scheme. 

Entering the office, Konstantine thankfully barely raised an eyebrow towards the pink-streaked Chiss. “Admiral.” 

And so, the meeting went without a hitch, Eli’s anxieties fading as he found his usual position, standing to the side of Thrawn’s desk and feeling more and more like furniture as Thrawn relied less on his abilities in times like these. After the holo call ended, Eli was honestly quite surprised a snide comment was not made regarding him not being needed in such a station from Konstantine who did not have an aide with him. 

Rather, the Admiral who sported mottled grey hair himself, made an unorthodox suggestion. “Rylogaine can help. Might lose its original color, but at least you have it.” 

Brows knitting for a moment in confusion, Thrawn quickly realized the Admiral was referring to hair product. “Thank you, I will look into that.” 

* * *

Eli was running a diagnostic on the terminal outside of the commissary when he noticed Thrawn looming above him, looking distinctly displeased. 

“I am not _balding_ ,” Thrawn hissed low so a passing crewer wouldn’t overhear.

Eli blinked and then laughed, realizing that Thrawn had looked up Rylogaine use for helping balding men to grow hair ‘like a wookie in winter.’ Thrawn scowled as Eli straightened and took his hand. “Sorry, I just knew that suggesting that Chiss went pink instead of grey would get him on your side. He is a bit xenophobic but has had some unhappy hair days in his past.” 

Thrawn grumbled and then relaxed as Eli squeezed his hand, smiling at him. 

Faro walked up to them scowling, “What are you two idiots doing?!”

Thrawn stiffened and raised an eyebrow, “Commander?...”

“Don’t give me that! We work very hard to ignore you two breaking regs, but you are out here making it harder for everyone!” Faro huffed, “You can quit sneaking around but why the _kriff_ are you two holding hands in public?!” 

Thrawn yanked his hand back as Eli opened his mouth to respond but was cut off as Faro continued, “Ignoring you two making moon eyes at each other can be challenging enough. Oh, you are perfectly professional most of the time, but everyone is aware that you admire the Admiral’s posterior.”   
Faro started to move away, “Also, I like the hair, Admiral.”


	19. Once it's on the Holonet...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!
> 
> Thanks to the Prank Wars Discord for egging me on!
> 
> -ZsforSs

The second she saw Thrawn's half-pink hair the truth hit her like a ton of permacrete.

The prankster had clearly struck again, and again the only viable suspects were Vanto... and Thrawn. Both of them. They were pranking each other and not particularly caring who got caught in the crossfire.

Kriff how was she supposed to write a report on that?

And then the pair of lovey-dovey idiots started getting handsy- literally- in public. Karyn had discovered after the plasti- film incident that most of the crew already suspected what she now knew was true. But these idiots were going to get themselves in trouble if they kept this up.

So she put a stop to all the PDA. The Admiral had actually looked embarrassed when she addressed it- which did something toward making her feel better.

But that night she went back to her quarters and saw the specks of glitter that she _still_ couldn't get off her refresher floor.

Karyn stared at the glitter, and then her datapad where her report was waiting- unwritten besides the opening details.

Which one of them had been responsible for the glitter bomb? The _GIANT_ Lothcat? Did it matter?

Perhaps it was time to get a taste of their own medicine...

She would have to wait, and think. Good pranks were hard to come by. In the meantime she did her best to learn her commanding officers' schedules and keep an eye out for possibilities.

* * *

Two weeks later she watched the holofeed from the tiny little planetoid they were orbiting.

“ _Animal_ Smuggling sir?” Karyn asked.

She could see Vanto behind Thrawn, attempting to pet a large long snouted furry creature with four very pointed horns- boy was going to lose an eye if he wasn't careful-

But _really?_ Who smuggled... fancy moofs or whatever they were?

“Indeed,” Thrawn said. He was apparently ignoring Vanto cooing at the giant hairy things behind him. “As we suspected. I believe they are Alderaanian _yannuks_. Nearly 300 of them. I've sent my initial report to High Command- once we determine what to do with the creatures we-”

Several things happened at once, one of the ...yannuks tossed it's head, hitting Eli and knocking him to the ground with a startled yelp. Thrawn immediately stepped away from the holorecorder to check on him, and the communications officer caught her attention.

“What is it?” Karyn asked quietly.

The holo no longer showed anything but part of the yannuk pen, but the audio was still picking up Thrawn.

“Are you alright Eli?”

Karyn's eyebrows rose- but Vanto and Thrawn had known each other since the academy- it was excusable for him to occasionally First Name the other officer.

Vanto was giggling and took a moment to answer, while waiting for his response the communications officer quickly briefed her.

“I'm fine!” Vanto managed. “She was just bein' ornery- go finish your comm.”

“I'm going to have to ask you to refrain form playing with the animals.”

“Alright, I promise,” Vanto said.

Thrawn reappeared in the holo and Karyn passed on what she had just learned. “Sir we have a response from High Command. They're waiting to speak to you now.”

“Patch them through to my datapad,” he said. “I will take the comm immediately.”

“Yes sir.”

Thrawn ended their link, no doubt so he could pick Eli off the ground and prep for the call from Command.

It was extremely unusual for a call to come in this soon after sending a report- perhaps they were urgently needed elsewhere?

For now they could only wait and see.

* * *

Karyn stood with Vanto and watched the transport dock from the Docking Bay Command Station.

“Remind me why we're letting these smelly moofs aboard?” Karyn sighed.

“Alderaanian Yannuks are a critically endangered species. The Alderaanian government wants the animals returned to their homeworld as soon as possible,” Vanto smiled. “Apparently these ones were stolen from a transport taking them to an offworld colony.”

“So why aren't we taking them there?”

“Alderaan wants to confirm the animals' health before shipping them off.”

Karyn sighed. “I assume this also has something to do with why we're housing them in Cargo Bay 33B09?”

Commander Vanto smiled, “The document I got from Alderaan detailing the animal's care was over _100,000 words_ long Faro.”

“I didn't realize they cared so much about some fancy moofs.”

Vanto chuckled. “They apparently care _excessively_ about these fancy moofs.”

Just then Vanto got a comm, which he answered immediately.

“Commander Vanto,” Admiral Thrawn said. “May I speak to you in Conference Room 33B948?”

“Yes sir, I'll be right there.”

“Is Captain Faro with you?” Thrawn asked.

“Yes sir, she's right here.”

“Faro return to the bridge, Senior Lieutenant Xoxtin can manage the yannuks.”

“Yes sir.”

As she headed off to the bridge Vanto peeled away to head to Sector 33B, where both the yannuks were being housed in one of the cargo bay, and where Thrawn was apparently waiting for Vanto. Sector 33B was a small cluster of cargo bays, conference rooms and a few small living quarters directly adjacent to the docking bay. It was colloquially known as sector In' n' Out. Its location made it a prime spot for things/people that would only be aboard a short while.

She wondered what Thrawn wanted to talk to Vanto about... or if they were going to talk at all.

* * *

A half hour later Karyn watched the last of the yannuks be herded into the cargo bay turned barn from the bridge.

Good. Once the things were stored away they could make the jump to lightspeed, Alderaan was halfway across the galaxy, it would take them nearly five days to get there.

“Captain!” Lomar called, “I have an emergency comm from Commander Koje in Sector 33B.”

“Put him through.” Karyn ordered.

“Koje here Captain- we need to move the yannuks. Right now.” Karyn opened her mouth to argue, but Koje continued. “One of the droids down here found a hairline hull breech. We've patched it but if it fails we'd vent the whole herd into space. I'd imagine Alderaan would be grumpy about that.”

An understatement of colossal proportions.

Her knee jerk reaction was to contact Thrawn- who was apparently still sequestered with Vanto- but hull breeches could expand violently at a moments notice, she needed to move quickly. And her only options were to move the yannuks back to the docking bay, or turn them loose in the rest of Sector 33B, where Thrawn and Vanto were.

It was a split second decision, either solution would be a headache, but there was one solution clearly better than the other. And one would inconvenience Thrawn and Vanto much more than the other would.

“Seal the entrance to the Docking Bay. Don't let any out that way, and open all doors in Sector 33B so they have somewhere else to go than the corridor and get them out of the cargo bay ASAP.”

“Captain-”

“Do it. Once the animals are clear, double seal the cargo bay and get a team on repairing the hull immediately.”

“Yes sir!”

Karyn waited while her orders were carried out, She regretted the decision she'd made almost immediately. Not for any practical reason- the rest of Sector 33B was far safer than the docking bay- but because it belatedly occurred to her that she may not actually want to become a participant in this prank war of Thrawn and Vanto's.

Maybe the pair had finished their talk and left the sector already. Maybe she could claim it was a coincidence she had acted without orders. A patched breech usually held for at least ten minutes- technically enough time for Karyn to have commed her commanding officers and told them to get out...

“Report.” Karyn ordered.

“Sir, the animals have just cleared the storage hold and the cargo bay is locked down- Maintenance Team R was already en route. No animals have entered the docking bay and they appear to be disbursing into Sector 33B peacefully... there's been a manual override shutting the supply closet door in conference room 33B948.” the officer added nervously.

Karyn took a deep breath. Too late now. “Leave it be,” she said. “And authorize overtime for the maintenance team- we need that hull breach fixed ASAP.”

The moment she finished her orders she got a comm from Admiral Thrawn.

“Captain Faro,” Thrawn said. “Would you care to fill me in on the recent goings- on?”

Karyn grimaced and was glad this was just a sound call. She explained the hull breach and her actions quickly, and then asked hesitantly. “Would that be you in the supply closet off room 33B948 sir?”

The other officers on the bridge looked at her in shock, dismay, fear, and amusement- but that was Hammerly, she thought everything was funny.

There was an amused snort- Vanto- and then Thrawn sighed. “Yes Captain. Commander Vanto and I took shelter in the supply closet.”

Hammerly clamped both hands over her mouth, Karyn ignored her. “Well have you out of there as soon as possible sir.”

“Provide me with an estimated time of completion as soon as possible and be sure to alert Alderaan of our delay.”

“Yes, sir.” Karyn said, and the comm ended.

“I need an estimated time of completion from maintenance crew ASAP.” Karyn ordered. Then she wheeled on Hammerly who was making concerning wheezy noises. “Hammerly, what are you laughing at?”

Hammerly had to try several times before squeaking out, “They're in the closet.”

Everyone on the bridge burst into laughter. Karyn tried to refrain- but soon she was laughing too.

* * *

 

28 hours.

Provided nothing went wrong the Admiral and Vanto would be out in 28 hours. The closet had emergency rations and supplies so they wouldn't starve but an entire day plus some was a long tome for them to be stuck.

5 hours down, 23 remaining. At least the pair had their comms and datapads- Karyn had no idea how they were going to get any sleep.

She grabbed dinner and settled into the small office in her quarters. She checked the chrono as she poured herself a glass of wine. She had a report to write.

* * *

20 hours later Karyn was down in Sector 33B- the overnight crew had really pushed themselves and shaved 3 hours off the estimated time. The whole areas was finally free of yannuks, but not their hair, smell or droppings.

Still, all the animals were secure in the vacuum proof cargo bay and now it was time to get their Admiral back.

Karyn entered the room just as one of the wranglers knocked on the closet. “Coast is clear sirs!” he called

The trooper's body-cam was still on, Karyn noticed. She'd ordered the troops assigned to wrangling to equip them just in case Alderaan had any complaints about them mistreating their fancy moofs.

The door didn't open immediately and Karyn almost commed them to make sure they were alright.

But then the door slid open- and out they came.

They were a little worse for the wear. Both their uniforms were rumpled- Vanto was still doing up his collar so the pair had likely dressed down at least partially. Vanto's hair was wilder than usual and while Thrawn had clearly made an effort to slick his hair back in his usual style again it was already coming loose across his forehead. Vanto also looked tired, like he hadn't slept well.

Karyn glanced past them into the closet. They'd clearly dug into the emergency supplies- the Sanitary Waste Containment Unit and the food rations would have been necessary, and the kits also had basic medical supplies , glowsticks, and a bedroll that was laid out on the floor.

It also looked like the other supplies in the closet- a mix of cleaning products and things you might need in a conference room- were dug through too. The instant caf packs and datapad chargers she saw were not standard emergency supplies.

“Well it looks like at least you were well equipped sirs.” she said.

“Indeed,” Thrawn said. “Still, I am glad to be out of the closet.”

Karyn knew her lips quirked, the trooper made a weird coughing sound- and Vanto rubbed his eyes and sighed.

“I've said something humorous.” Thrawn said, looking at Vanto.

“I'll tell you later.” Vanto promised.

“Doctor Tesko has requested you both check in at the medbay, sir.” Karyn said.

“Of course. We'll do that now.”

“Yes sir, I have some reports for you once you're cleared.”

* * *

But Thrawn wasn't cleared from the medbay. And the reason why was that Eli Vanto, while magic with numbers and an excellent officer was also an idiot.

Alderaanian yannuks often carried a type of fungal infection that could and would spread to humans. It was only spreadable by touch, and so the briefing for this mission had included a section about not touching the animals directly.

The worst part was that _Vanto_ had written the briefing, apparenty forgetting that he'd _already_ _pet the yannuks_ as soon as he was within ten feet of them.

Karyn had gone up after her shift to see her commanding officers- currently confined to a quarantine room. The doctors said it was just a matter of seeing if the infection materialized, which would only be two days or so. If it did treatment was a simple matter.

“Captain Faro.” Thrawn said, his voice tinny through the speakers. The quarantine room had a large window allowing Thrawn to see her and her to see Thrawn- standing regulation straight and poised in his hospital gown. “Have we begun our trip to Alderaan?”

“Yes sir.” Karyn said. “We should be there in four standard days, plenty of time for you to recover sir.”

“Very good.” Behind him Karyn could see Eli flopped dramatically on one of the to hospital beds in the room. He had both hands covering his face and his ears looked red from here. “Was there anything else Captain?”

“No sir-though I've compiled an updated report on our mystery prankster sir, I'll send it to your datapad shortly.

Thrawn's brow twitched. Eli peeked through his fingers and looked at her. “Thank you Captain.” Thrawn said.

* * *

“Eli.” Thrawn said.

Eli pulled the pillow off his face. “Yeah?”

“Will you have a look at this report Captain Faro submitted?” Thrawn asked.

Eli sat up, trying to ignore the weird, almost crunchy sound his thin hospital gown made.

He felt so so stupid. He knew better, but noooo he'd had to go and pet the yannuks...

“If you want.” Eli muttered. He took the pad and looked at what Karyn had turned in.

It was an itemized list of damages and lost supplies their pranks have caused- it only started from the glitter bomb prank, which was probably a good thing. The list was long enough already... Longer than he'd realized.

At the end of the list there was a single sentence that read. "I've concluded all these were just freak accidents, as someone in Command would have had to use their clearance to facilitate all this, and I know none of our officers would misuse Imperial resources this way."

Eli snorted, and looked up sheepishly. “It sounds like Karyn's a little tired of our pranks.”

“Indeed.” Thrawn sighed. “I should probably not have put her in charge of investigating this.”

Eli smiled. “It was funny though.”

Thrawn nodded. “That is perhaps the problem.” He stood and went to draw their privacy curtain. They were fairly hidden with the curtain drawn, and any doctors or droids checking on them would knock first, so when Thrawn sat down on the bed beside him Eli leaned over an pressed a kiss to Thrawn's cheek.

“I'm sorry I may have given you cooties,” Eli said.

Thrawn smiled, “You have already been forgiven. But do tell me why it was funny I was out of the closet.”  
  
Eli groaned and slumped back onto the bed. “Alright, so...”

* * *

The clip was on the Chimaera's intranet by the time Karyn went off shift- based on the amount she was seeing it on the message boards it had been for some time- both the original footage and a subtitled compressed image version.

The trooper who's body-cam had recorded the footage was very vocally proclaiming he hadn't done it. Karyn believed him, the clips were all carefully cropped to focus in on Thrawn and only contained him saying “I am glad to be out of the closet.” If she'd had to guess a culprit she'd say someone in security or communications who had access to the footage hadn't been able to resist.

She should probably issue a take down to their intranet managers- but she knew it was too late, the clip was definitely already saved on most of the crew's personal datapads. They'd never catch every copy.

...Speaking of which, Karyn saved a copy for herself. She could send it to Vanto the next time he was being too obvious with his doe-eyes on duty.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone make the GIF.
> 
> You know you want to.


End file.
